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Monday, April 27, 2009

Do I really have cancer?

You know, cancer is a weird disease. I know I have throat cancer because the doctors have told me. My ear was hurting and now its not. My throat was hurting and now its not. I have been a full three weeks without a chemo treatment and as of today, the only reason I know I have throat cancer is lack of energy, strength, endurance, taste and hair loss. I know that there is still a little spot left to fix starting soon, but I can't see this cancer, or really feel this cancer. So much of this is a state of mind in healing. While I know I have a treatment left, I feel ready to get on with life. I can't see or feel the healing like a broken bone. So as I prepare for this final big push, I have to keep in mind that I still have throat cancer and without this last big treatment, I would eventually die from it. So the good news is that in six weeks, I get to prepare for the rest of my life. A life that I will take each day to enjoy it to the fullest. A day to slow down some and smell the roses, to take the time to open doors for ladies, to say hello to a stranger, to help someone even if it takes some time.

As I am preparing for this final push, I thank God for walking with me and for sending ya'll to me to help in my emotional state. To keep me on my toes, to make me laugh, to try and make me fat! Your prayers have done wonders in my healing process. I know God listens to every prayer that comes to him, but I feel a sense of comfort knowing that you are praying for my healing. God has something in mind for me. And it is my job to keep my heart and mind open to do that something he wants me to accomplish.

Today was a good day overall. I did find out that I had lost 3 pounds over the weekend so today consisted of fast food (Popeyes) for lunch and the Gomezs' brought over a fantastic plate of spicy Mexican food for supper. With all of this, I should be gaining that 3 pounds back today! I will be aggressively trying to eat alot of fatty foods this week to get to at least 160 pounds. If only my tongue liked ice cream and chocolate! I have not found a way to these two items, YET! Tomorrow I may have to try a blizzard. Lots of fat and calories. Just don't know if I can eat all of it! Maybe a bite of ice cream and a drink of coffee. Who knows. Just have to eat!

I hope everyone is off to a good week. Remember to slow down, be patient and smell the roses. Nite all....

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