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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Just a boring day..

Good evening all. Today was a routine day. Set my mind on getting work done and got some done in spite of myself. No nap and I have paid the price this afternoon and evening. But will sleep well tonight.

I worked out a little this morning and will continue to do so over the next couple of weeks. Hopefully it will help my improve my stamina. My taste buds are still weird but have been able to eat through them. The real test will be this weekend on the camp out.

Life will be pretty much routine around here for the next couple of weeks. Just taking my meds and trying to gain weight. Had a baked potato tonight with butter, onions and sour cream. And then forced some ice cream down. Lunch was steak fingers with spicy potatoes. Probably the biggest problem I have at the moment is making sure I drink enough. And this weekend will be real important being outside.

It's hard to try and maintain a normal life kinowing that in two weeks I will start a six week marathon with radiation and chemo combined. But must tryin order to keep my sanity! Thanks for all the support and cards. I look forward each day to cards and emails. I know God has something in store for me. Guess I will use the two weeks trying to figure out what he wants me to do. Nite all...

Bad news - good news

Well, Wednesday came and went but nothing like I expected. The bad news is that I am 10 - 12 working days from starting my six week final push. I had my mask made yesterday and it takes that long for the doctors to program the computer for radiation. We were lead to believe that radiation would start and that all this prep was already done. I had another CT scan to show what is left of the cancer. I was pretty frustrated by the end of the day yesterday as it puts an end to activities this summer for the most part. And I have to get mentally prepared again for this last round of radiation/chemo.

The good news is that we found out that I will go camping this weekend. And that I have had as much chemo as I can possibly have in the last two rounds. And that I am still in the window for the last chemo/radiation round. (We had a concern that the length of time in waiting for the radiation to start would allow the cancer to rear its ugly head again). I have about two weeks to gain some weight (right now I weigh 156 pounds). I will be able to gain some energy in these two weeks as well as get over the sinus infection as a result of my teeth being pulled. It seems the aggressive chemo treatment has done its job in that Dr Corwin (radiation Dr) evidently did not see any cancer to the naked eye yesterday when he looked down my throat.

I will put up a couple of pictures of the radiation mask later this morning. This mask starts out as a flat piece of plastic. I thought it would be solid but it is more mesh like. It is heated and then they pull the plastic over my face and then allow the plastic to cool to shape the plastic to my face. This makes my head be in the same position each time I do radiation. And that means less good cells are killed when they do radiation.

So all in all, other than I will not be starting this last round of chemo/radiation, everything is looking good. Everything is in God's good time and I am sure there is a reason for this delay. There is nothing I can do about it so will trust that God has control of this situation.

I hope everyone has a good day. I will do some work and continue to rest. I started limited workout this morning will continue to do so as my energy level and endurance increases. I will post tonight and then will not post until Sunday evening after I get back from the Troop campout. Have a blessed day....

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Last good day?

Well, it is the night before the big push. Although I half way expect it to be postponed to next week due to the healing or lack thereof to my teeth.

Today was a good day overall. I have been a good boy and slept til 9am and took a mini-nap at noon. And went home at 6pm. I ate pretty good today and even ate ice cream, although I did not like it much! I got some tax work done today and plan on continuing that tomorrow until around 2 pm and then it is to the doctors for the rest of the day. I visited with a mom of one of the Troop's boys today for a little while. It is amazing how cancer affects just about everyone in one way or another. Lots of different stories! And non of them the same!

The best for me is to have this chemo have a small effect on me and the radiation not to effect me at all or at least until the final week! Worst case is spending a few days in the hospital every week until this is done. So I am hoping that all the drugs the doctor will give me along with the other home remedies and health medicines I am on will help me through these six weeks in reasonable shape. I know I will have problems, but working on maintaining a positive attitude and working through the problems, such as eating and drinking!

So please say a little prayer for me tonight and tomorrow that I will have minimal side effect of this chemo/radiation treatment, and as Lucille's friend Margie points out that the radiation will kill only the cells it's targeted for. Different people have pointed Lucille and me toward different medicines and maybe a combination of them will work for me!

I am reading a book on 10 prayers that God will always answer. In the next couple of days I will show everyone the shirt I am making as a result of reading this book. The book is on loan from Teresa Sewell.

Had Scouts tonight and have a about 15 boys going on the camp out this weekend to Breckenridge Texas for an MD Anderson Cancer Benefit called Polo on the Prairie. The Troop has done this activity since about 1997 and continue to help MD Anderson in this activity.

So today could be my last good day for awhile or it may be just another day for the next six weeks. Who knows, only time will tell. I thank you for your continued support. It makes what I am going through much easier. Nite all.....

Monday, April 27, 2009

Do I really have cancer?

You know, cancer is a weird disease. I know I have throat cancer because the doctors have told me. My ear was hurting and now its not. My throat was hurting and now its not. I have been a full three weeks without a chemo treatment and as of today, the only reason I know I have throat cancer is lack of energy, strength, endurance, taste and hair loss. I know that there is still a little spot left to fix starting soon, but I can't see this cancer, or really feel this cancer. So much of this is a state of mind in healing. While I know I have a treatment left, I feel ready to get on with life. I can't see or feel the healing like a broken bone. So as I prepare for this final big push, I have to keep in mind that I still have throat cancer and without this last big treatment, I would eventually die from it. So the good news is that in six weeks, I get to prepare for the rest of my life. A life that I will take each day to enjoy it to the fullest. A day to slow down some and smell the roses, to take the time to open doors for ladies, to say hello to a stranger, to help someone even if it takes some time.

As I am preparing for this final push, I thank God for walking with me and for sending ya'll to me to help in my emotional state. To keep me on my toes, to make me laugh, to try and make me fat! Your prayers have done wonders in my healing process. I know God listens to every prayer that comes to him, but I feel a sense of comfort knowing that you are praying for my healing. God has something in mind for me. And it is my job to keep my heart and mind open to do that something he wants me to accomplish.

Today was a good day overall. I did find out that I had lost 3 pounds over the weekend so today consisted of fast food (Popeyes) for lunch and the Gomezs' brought over a fantastic plate of spicy Mexican food for supper. With all of this, I should be gaining that 3 pounds back today! I will be aggressively trying to eat alot of fatty foods this week to get to at least 160 pounds. If only my tongue liked ice cream and chocolate! I have not found a way to these two items, YET! Tomorrow I may have to try a blizzard. Lots of fat and calories. Just don't know if I can eat all of it! Maybe a bite of ice cream and a drink of coffee. Who knows. Just have to eat!

I hope everyone is off to a good week. Remember to slow down, be patient and smell the roses. Nite all....

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A great day to begin the week...

It was certainly a nice Sunday in Midland. Maybe it will rain tonight. Got up at 8:30am, read the paper while Lucille fixed breakfast. Had homemade biscuits, sausage and gravy and eggs. Gained a pound yesterday and hoping to gain another one today. Supper was some real spicy hot links and pasta that Sarah fixed. Have couple more days to gain several more pounds. I just eat and eat, whatever I want. It won't always be this way so better enjoy it while I can.

My mouth still has that weird taste and am trying some mouth wash that I have to use during radiation. It does some good if I eat within a few minutes after rinsing.

Today I mowed and edged the yard and found myself pretty wore out so rested for a little bit and then went to work on the Troop cook box. Then went to babysit with Lucille for our grandkids. So am home around 9pm. Am tired but bed is not too far off . I have 2 1/2 days to get office in reasonable shape before the final push. The unknown is the biggest problem here so trying to be prepared for the worst and hoping for the best, whatever it might be.

While I am tired, I thought today was good in that it was normal for me. So will shower and hit the sack to get ready for what appears to be a hectic week. Have a doctor appointment first thing in the morning for my lower back (which should take care of that problem for awhile), then to office to get tax and graphic work done.

I thank God for another week of having more pluses than minuses. The biggest plus was a change in attitude which I think is being caused by not being able to do what I have always done. I know it will probably happen in the next six weeks, but am determined to keep from getting down. God has helped me to help myself in getting myself straighten out, so I expect to keep a good attitude for this period.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and that your blessing from God has been more than you can handle. I believe it has happened to my family. We just have to keep our eyes open and our hearts tuned into God. Thanks to all this past week for your prayers, cards, meals, words of compassion and encouragement, phone calls and just general support. Nite all..

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Food doesn't taste good but feeling better

Today is Saturday, I think. Slept til about 8:30 and then got up because my back started hurting. Thought I would eat cereal for breakfast and that lasted one bite so Lucille made me eggs and sausage. I have a taste in the middle of my tongue, not metallic but something that makes anything close to sweet not taste good, so am back into anything hot for the moment. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Had some dutch chocolate ice cream tonight and it did not even taste good! But Joy and Frank brought by some chili rellanoes filled with eggs and it was hot enough to taste good.

Spent all afternoon working on a new Troop cook wagon. Hopefully, tomorrow we will finish the main part and all we will lack is the painting. Did not eat enough at lunch and really got tired at the end of the day but it has been a relaxing evening. And hopefully tonight I will get another good nights sleep.

My teeth seem to be healing better. Almost all the stitches have dissolved so maybe the healing will be enough to start the final round on April 29. But I have been preparing myself that it maybe another week before I start. It is up to the doctor and out of my hands.

Energy, strength and endurance are the two most things I miss most. No, food is not in that list. I eat because I have to not because I want to. And besides the sick feeling during this cancer treatment, I have pushed myself because of what I have always been able to do with energy, strength and endurance and I have paid the price at times. You try to do something and realize you can't lift it or you don't have the energy or endurance to finish something. It is the one thing when this is over that I will try to get back quickly. The eating will come as my tongue cooperates.

So overall, today has been good. I am tired but helped get some stuff accomplished and felt part of the team. And as always God sent a blessing this evening to just say, I am watching you! So hope all of you had as good a day as I did and that God blessed you in some way today. Nite all..

Friday, April 24, 2009

I felt God today..

Good evening all..

Another week gone and still 7 more weeks to go. Slept til 9am, took a 2 hour nap at noon and got home around 7pm. It was a good day. My attitude was much better and took all problems that arose today in stride. Am determined that my attitude stays up. It takes some work not to get mad or frustrated easily. It is sometime in my normal life (not normal anymore!) that I did not get mad or frustrated easily. But normal today is living with cancer and its cure so have to work extra hard to keep an even keel.

My sinuses are much better today but I think the best thing I did was keep rested!! Seems I have heard that from several comments! Didn't say I wasn't stubborn. I plan on keeping rested until next Wednesday and then it will be a day by day walk.

When Lucille and I had dinner at our daughter's (Sarah) house last night I felt God's wrapping his arms around me. Two of my grandkids are big huggers and as I was eating Walker gets into my lap and hugs on me and tells me about his day and what he gets to eat. Then Hannah gets released from her high chair and as she climbs up into my arms, she puts her head on my shoulder and pats my back with her right hand. It didn't occur to me that God was letting me know that he is here with me thru my grandkids until this morning. All we have to do is listen and feel to God. He speaks to us in so many different ways.

I continue to thank God for each of you for your support. I know that he listens to prayers as every time I feel down something happens that one of you enters my life to lift my spirits. So as I get ready for the weekend, I wish the best for each of you and will be asking God to bless each of you in your many endeavors. Nite all...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Not the day I had hoped for, but...

Got up and then crashed back into bed. Woke up at 8am and realized I was late for the chiropractor. So got dressed in my 10 minutes and was there be 8:15am. An advantage of no hair and no shaving and being a couple minutes from the doctor. He made an adjustment and have felt better today. Another treatment and hopefully I will be doing good again.

Then to the dentist. Still having some pain but he said I would be ok in a couple of weeks. Then I told him again that radiation started next Wednesday and he said that I should wait at least another week. Needless to say I was not to happy about that, but will let the radiation doctor make that call. My main concern is getting rid of the sinus problem I have right now by next Wednesday. All my efforts have been toward April 29. But right now the only thing that I can control is getting well by next week.

Came home for lunch and fell asleep for 3 hours. A strong wind woke me up even then. It rained all around us but not in Midland. Went to work and as usual clients started coming in when they saw my truck parked out front. So stayed there until about 6:30 and went to Sarah's to eat supper.

So the result of the day is I am still pretty tired. Hopefully will get another good nights sleep and wake up tomorrow with renewed energy and goals. This week has not been what I wanted in the way of increased energy and weight gain but have to keep a positive attitude that everything will work out. I am now at 157 pounds. hmmmmm Maybe I am trying to control this instead of letting God handle this ? So will give my troubles to him tonight and start afresh tomorrow.

Had several cards from wonderful people tonight. The cards, emails, calls have been truly inspirational in this time. And I know God will bless each of you in his own time. Nite all..

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tired of being tired!!!

Well spring arrived with a vengeance. The temp was100 today! And more of the same tomorrow. And me having to wear long sleeve shirts and caps. But am really used to it as I did it for a couple years when I had my propane face burn. Was told that it was the most expensive face peel in history. It is suppose to rain this weekend so maybe it will cool things off a little.

Got up at 8:00 this morning, fixed myself eggs and sausage for breakfast. Slept pretty good last night, but then I should have after taking 2 Benadryl before I went to bed. Woke up with the same congestion, call the doctor and he told me to continue to take my meds. Get to see him tomorrow morning. Call the chiropractor and see him early tomorrow so help my lower back. It's tough getting old. And then to my other regular dentist to get a flouride mouth guard. So the morning spent at the doctors and another morning at the doctors tomorrow.

Worked steady all day and came home feeling tired, so sat down and took a couple hours nap. Still tired and will not have any trouble going to sleep tonight. Not feeling like I think I should. I want to feel like I did last week. Hopefully, with the rising sun tomorrow, I will feel much better and energized! It's nothing compared to what I have been through or will go through starting next week, but I need a few great days before next week. So tomorrow morning I will get up and try again.

Have not weighed in a couple of days but don't think I have lost anymore weigh but don't think I have gained any either. Taste buds are coming back. Have a bite of cherry cobbler tonight and it was pretty good.

I have seven weeks left of this before I can truly start the road to recovery. And I thank God and all of you for your prayers and support as I go through this. I know I could not have done it without your support and God's help. Nite all

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Another pretty and uplifting day

Slept in until about 7:45 this morning. A little stiff in my back but after moving around, the stiffness went away. I still have to take it easy and not doing any moderate lifting. But think that the back issue will be gone by the weekend.

Lucille is out of town and she has left instructions all over town to make sure I am eating, taking my drugs and drinking water. And here I thought I would be free from that. Yea right!!!! Not. She knows me well so she is just making sure I do what I'm suppose to do.

Worked pretty hard at office today but still not where I want to be. Tomorrow should be a good day for accomplishments.

I am tired this evening. Maybe even a little fever. So will be going to bed as soon as this is posted so I can get some rest. Of course, going to bed is right after I take my midnight drugs. I have put my business in God's hands to help me get thru the next six weeks.

Juan Helms paid a surprise visit to me today. It was great to see and talk to her. Her son, Cory is an Eagle Scout in the Troop. He goes to the University of Texas. I try not to hold that against him! And I had a luminrio put in my name last Friday at the Cancer Walk. I was touched by what people are doing for me. I can never pay them back and they don;t expect to be. That's what Christianity is all about. Helping other without payback. God will reward us later.

Went to Scouts tonight and got a great report about their campout this last weekend. I would not have expected anything less. People talk about young people today and when I look at what these 11 - 18 year olds accomplish, I know we are in good hands.

Hope everyone had a great day and a better night. God Bless each of you this Tuesday. Nite all

Monday, April 20, 2009

A good day of recovery

Good evening gang

After a semi-sleepful night with my back, I was able to get up and go to work. Took all my meds including the pain killer. Didn't need it for the teeth but for the back. And as of tonight my back is much, much better. Another 24 hours and I will not remember having this problem. My teeth seem to be doing very well. Will know on Thursday when I go the dentist for a checkup. Still trying to figure out eating without those teeth.

I have lost 3 pounds since the teeth extraction but expect to make up for that in the next couple of days. I am eating, eating and eating. I expect to be between 160 and 165 pounds as of April 29.

Had a good day at the office tyring to catch up on Thursday and Friday's foss of work. I will catch up on most of my work by the 29th. I am feeling better every day and will get more energy and strength every day. I will be physically and mentally ready for the final push.

Sometimes one thinks that they have the worst problem and then you hear or see others and then think my problem is minor compared to them. That happened to me today. That's not to say my thoart cancer is not serious. If not handled properly it can be as bad. I am lucky to have gone to the doctors and they caught this before it got really bad. God has a way of helping guide us. We just have to listen. And that is not necessarily easy to do. Today, I try to listen to everybody and everything knowing that God is talking to me or opening opportunties for me.

As I go into this next week I go into it with alot of energy, with alot of confidence, and alot of faith to know that God will see me and my family thru this disease. As has been said before "Cancer is a word, not a sentence". I am a cancer survivor and this cancer will always be with me. Everyone who I have visited with have all said the same thing. Cancer changes your life. You learn to be more apprecitive of the world around you, more compassioniate toward others, slowing down to smell the roses.

I hope this week God continues to bless each person who has supported and prayed for me. I know he has anwered alot of prayers as far as I am concerned. As I pray each night and during the day it is my hope that God will bless each of you.

Nite all....

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Another minor setback

Today was a good day until about 4pm. Got up felt good, started cleaning up my shop and was watching and playing with the grandkids. Food has been ok, not as good as the last two days but ok. Mrs. Glasgow bought some chili over tonight and it was good. Then had chocolate ice cream. The swelling on my left jaw has pretty much gone down. Am still learning to eat with the teeth I have left.

Around 4pm I went in to get Hannah from her nap and my back was frozen to where I could not get up or down or put weight on my left leg. Lucille put heat on my back and the pain is starting to ease up. Couldn't walk for while but am now able to. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully it will be alot better so I can prepare for April 29.

Hope eveyone has a good evening. Nite all...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Minor setback

What a beautiful Saturday. I had a minor setback today but it was my own doing. I did not take my pain killers this day so slept most of it. Lucille had to work and when she came home, I took my pain killer and things were alot better. One would have thought I had learned my lesson from the hospital. So tonight I will take the pain killer again for a good nights sleep. It is not a major pain but it was enough that I was not handling it the right way.

I expect tomorrow to be good again as I will be on all my medicine thanks to Lucille.

My gums seem to be healing pretty good as is my tongue. Cannot chew anything big at this point but expect that to get better each day. You don't realize how much you use your back teeth until you don't have them. So have to retrain my mouth to eat properly!

I will get up tomorrow and have a grand day. I hope all of you have a great Sunday. May God bless each of you on this Sunday. I know he is here with me as I continue to walk down this path. Nite all....

Friday, April 17, 2009

Peas, porridge, hot

First day after having 5 teeth removed. Through lunch today I had to use cold packs (peas) to help with the swelling. Then I had to switch to hot (heating pad) to keep from getting dry sockets. Hence the pictures. Don't laugh too hard!!

I have felt pretty good all day. Was going to go camping until about 4:30 when my jaw started hurting. I realized that going was not to be even though I think I could have toughed it out. It is better to wait until stitches have a little more time to heal. If I feel good in the morning I may go down to BTSR (about 2 1/2hr away) for a few hours and then come back home. But the most important thing at this point is that I get healed before the final push. It was hard seeing the boys go off tonight but I know they will do a great job this weekend.

The best part of the day was after taking zinc for a couple of days that my taste buds have lost the metal taste and I am tasting all foods again. Not back to normal BUT tonight I had chocolate ice cream and it tasted like chocolate ice cream! And other foods have tasted good. It will certainly help in retaining weight.

I think I have done pretty well with my teeth as it has not been 36 hours since they were pulled. I was really anxious about the recovery time and other than the healing, the pain that I had heard about I have been able to tolerate. Through this afternoon the pain was pretty much not there. I have some tightness when I chew too much so have tried to stay with soft foods today. Maybe tomorrow night I can start working my way up to something more solid.

God has certainly listened to all the prayers that have been said as the pain that my boys and friends have told me has not materialized with me. So I have alot to be thankful for tonight knowing that God does indeed listen to prayers. Nite all..

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Teeth begone..

Good evening all..

Well got to dentist at 8:25am and arrived at home at 11:45. I now have 5 fewer teeth in my mouth. That means 5 fewer teeth to brush and floss. The doctor gave me my teeth. I guess so I knew he took them out (like I can't feel it) but more importantly to let me see the teeth he took out. I look like a chipmunk and my ice packs were 2 bags of frozen peas with a yellow ribbon keeping them on my head! The worst pain I have felt today was late this afternoon when I was suppose to have a smoothie. One sip and the cold dealt me major pain to the incisions. So have kept all liquids either slightly warm or room temperature. At this point my pain is under control and feel pretty good. It is much better than the upset stomach with chemo. So hoping tomorrow will be a good day and can start eating light foods! One funny thing is that it is hard to drink.There is an air gap where my teeth were so have to relearn how to drink. You don't realize how important a part of drinking is. I can whistle through my backless teeth.

So now I have about 10 days to recover from this, gain a few more pounds before the big push. But that is in ten days. I plan on having fun the next ten days - just trying to lead a normal life. Heck, I may go to BTSR Saturday for a few hours. But then may just rest around here so I can have a good week at work next week.

When you trust your life with God, good things happen. The teeth had to be pulled, but as of this second the pain could be alot worse. And I think that God has answered your and my prayers for a smooth recovery in this speed bump. And I truly from the bottom of my heart thank each of you for your prayers.

If I still have a chipmunk face in the morning, I will get a funny picture up for ya'll. If you saw my face you would think I weighed about 300 pounds! But only at 157 right now.

Have a great night . Hopefully we'll get the rain without the hail tonight. Nite all...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What cancer cannot do...

What a day. But then it is April 15! Finally finished my work day at 6:45pm. Not only work but getting Troop 175 ready for a campout and a future Eagle Scout who has a board on Sunday.
Then came home and worked on Troop bus with E.T. Finished up around 9:30pm

Tonight I am tired. It has been a good day but I know that I have left some items undone. But hopefully come Monday, I will be back at the office so I can tie up these loose ends before April 29. Everyone has been very supportive and for this I am truly grateful.

I told you about Mike Nance and having to get another tumor removed. He is in good spirits and the doctors think they got all of it. He is a great Christian so I know God was listening to prayers.

Lucille went to the health food store and purchased some zinc to help revive the taste buds and allow a person to eat. I know if it helps me, I will take it.

No food or drink after midnight so I can get six teeth removed at 8:30am. No local for me. I want to be knocked out for this. Not even interested in listening and feeling the bits and saws. So if I don't post tomorrow night, you will know that I am still drugged from the teeth extraction.

It has been a good first half of the week. Hopefully I will recover pretty quickly from the dentist so I can have a good 9 days before the last big push.

I received a dog tag at Scouts last night and I want to repeat what it says here..

What cancer cannot do...

It cannot...
invade the soul
suppress memories
kill friendship
destroy peace
conquer the spirit
shatter hope
cripple love
corr0de faith
steal eternal life
silence courage

I don't think I need to say anything else. Nite gang..

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Another great day....

Good evening all - Just got home from Scouts. Lined out boys going to Philmont and the adults discussed the new chuck wagon layout. So a productive evening. Boys have a camp out this weekend at Buffalo Trail Scout Ranch so trying to get everything done before Thursday morning.

Tomorrow is April 15 so have alot of tax extensions to do. And I hope to do alot of those extensions next week after teeth extraction and before chemo/radiation starts. Making plans and goals or nothing will get done! Today was getting a couple of returns done and visiting with clients. Tomorrow will be visiting with clients and getting a couple of print jobs done.

Nothing has tasted good this day so did not eat alot until supper. Lucille fixed spinach and salmon patties. The spinach had enough of a bite to mask my tongue so supper was good. If only eating as much spinach would have the same reaction as Popeye! My bedtime snack is cottage cheese with lots of salt and pepper. As of this morning I weighed 158 pounds! I'm getting there so should reach the minimum of 160 pounds by next week.

Phsically I have felt good today (other than my taste buds). Am a little tired tonight but will have alot of time to rest Thursday and Friday. Everyone has been very supportive about my limited time in the office and I certainly am appreciative. I know that I have not gotten some work done in a timely fashion but will be working hard to get it all caught up by April 29.

So today has been great. Have felt good physically and stomach is doing ok. Mentally, today was good and normal. Just trying to get a handle on being out of office late this week. I am approaching Thursday with some nervousness but expect this to be minor compared to what has happened the last two months. Just have to get used to eating with six less teeth in my mouth!

I am gong to go to bed knowing that God has brought me and my family through another day and a day closer to getting this treatment over with. Will throughly enjoy the next two weeks and try to live as normal a life as this will let me. Lucille made the comment that this week as been as close to normal since before Feb 4. And that is a great thing!

So hope you got a refund back from Uncle Sam. Nite all....

Monday, April 13, 2009

Bad days, good days!!

Today is what Lucille and I consider a great normal day. We are enjoying the normal days - that is to mean that life is as normal as this cancer will allow. The only thing that today has not been normal is there is nothing that tastes good today. From dill pickles to hot dogs to hot links. Lucille just brought me some Babybel cheese and it masks the middle of my tongue so I can taste the cheese. So maybe this cheese will allow me to eat foods that my tongue doesn't like for awhile!

The one thing we have learned is that in order to get to the good days, the bad days have to be endured. And while these days are not fun or normal, they are necessary to the healing process of chemo and radiation. And so to this end, we endure the bad days so that we can truly enjoy the good days we are having now. We know there will be more bad days to follow over the next ten weeks but the end result is alot of good days. So we are enjoying the good days over the next 10 days (with the exception of the teeth extraction) and lead as normal a life as we can.

I went to a Boy Scout Philmont meeting tonight and it just gave me the I WANT TO GO. And at this point it is all dependent on how I react to the combo chemo/radiation treatment. And that is to keep my weight up and energy level up and strength up.

I got an crystal armadillo statue gift today from some friends. It reminded me about how God wraps his arms around us to protect us as we go through life. It made me think that without God this whole process would be pretty much unbearable. But the good news is that God is here wrapping his arms around me and my family as we go through the process and he has wrapped his arms around you as you support me in this ordeal. May he continue to protect us and more importantly is that we have the faith to let him protect us!

So eveyone have a great night. I plan on it. Nite gang...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

What the hail!!

Good evening all -

This is a picture of the hail Lucille picked up yesterday during the hail storm. It is lime sized. My truck had a few dings and the shop had a couple of dings. Not sure about the house.

Slept in until about 8:30am. Got up, read paper, and Lucille fixed biscuits, gravy and egg.

Something I had been going to put here and just kept forgetting. It seems chemo has given me a runny nose and watering eyes. Small price to pay for a cure. I still know my stomach is here but just keep on going. No drugs being taken right now. I know I will be on them again in the near future.

I expect to have a good first half of the week and then on April 16 at 8:30am I have 6 teeth taken out. I expect to be out of commission for a few days. Then one week to get energized for the final six weeks. Needless to say, I am anixious about that. Will be working hard to get alot of stuff done so I will not have to worry too much about the office. I know that friends and family will help keep the doors open but worry about it anyway. But for the time being, I am trying not to dwell on it and stay focused on this week. God has seen Lucille and me through to this point and I know he will see us through to the end.

Watched the grandkids hunt Easter eggs this afternoon. And other than that, I have rested and relaxed! Had the rest of the Kennady meal tonight. So I start the week at 155 pounds, am excited about getting all my work done by April 15. And getting my Boy Scout Troop ready for their campout this weekend.

And last but not least, I have thought about what God did for us so long ago. He raised his son so we could live this life. We make decisions in life, but God gives us oppotunities to get back to Him when we stray. And then we have the choice to make the most of those opportunities. I know that each of you has an additional marker in the book of life for what you have done for us. May God continue to look after all of us as we go into this week. Nite all...

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Today has been a productive day. Slept in this morning and then worked at office all day. Felt like I got some work accomplished. No chemo brain today! Not much to eat until tonight and had three plates of King Ranch Chicken from the Kennadys'. It was really delicious.

I feel my energy coming back, and even though I am tired this evening it is a work tired. I am tired physically but a good nights sleep will take care of this tiredness. I am working hard but will be ready for the final push.

Had half an inch of rain late this afternoon along with a hail storm. Here at the house we had lime sized hail. I will put a picture up tomorrow for it. It will be interesting to see how the roof handled it. Lost my phone in the rain and it is now in rice drying out. All my contacts and appointment schedules are on the phone. But hopefully it will work in the morning. The rice is supposed to suck out the moisture in the phone.

Salty foods are not particularly tasty at this point. Chocolate and ice cream are still not to the point that I want to eat them, especially on a regular basis. Cookies and sweets are just not in the cards. I try them but so far no go. Lucille made a spinach salad tonight and it was good. Fresh fruit is good and will have some as desert before bed tonight.

Evidently I am liking some food as I now weigh 155 pounds. I am shooting for 160 pounds before the final chemo/radiation starts. But at the rate I am gaining right now, I might make 165 pounds. That was my weight before all this started.

It's hard to imagine that a week ago, I was feeling really sick all the time. And that I will be feeling that way again in a couple of weeks. And then there is the 3-4 days of teeth extraction. But going to enjoy feeling good, getting more energy, eating and actually tasting the food for the next 4 days. And then having another week to continue getting ready for the final push.

God has blessed us with some rain today and maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow is Easter and going to celebrate Christ resurrection. Then going to watch my grandkids go on an Easter egg hunt. We are truly blessed here. And your prayers and support have greatly helped me. As we celebrate Easter let us remember what God did for us. I have heard that the commercialization of Easter has pretty much fallen on its face. I think that is a tribute to Christians to really keep Easter in its proper perspective. Thanks be to God and may He bless all of us not only tomorrow but every day we walk this earth. Nite all...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Chemo brain

Well, I had my first day of chemo brain. All day I thought today was April 14 and was in a tizzy because this job would not come together. Then at 4pm I came to realize that today was April 10. The good news was I am 75% done with this job due next week. I have heard about chemo brain and its effects. One being short term memory loss. Another being not being able to keep facts straight. So will have to pay better attention to my work and slow down a little to make sure I get everything straight.

Slept in this morning since Lucille had Good Friday off. But then 75% of Midland slept in as they all had Good Friday off too. Other than not taking my mid day nap, I felt pretty good throughout the day. Had a good lunch and supper so will be interested to see if I have gained any more weight. Taste buds are a little better today. I am eating a little vanilla ice cream now. The ice cream was cold and had a little flavor so it will be a few days before I try again. Spicy is the way for me right now. No sweets.

The big key now is to get rested and energized before the teeth extraction next Thursday. Then about 10 days to recover before the final big push.

I am truly humbled by so many people reading this blog and the impact it is making. God has granted me an opportunity to help other people and I am truly blessed that it is helping others. I use this to not only communicate with all of you wonderful people but as therapy for myself. It is truly amazing how God works in us. May everyone have a great weekend as we go toward Sunday. Thanks to each of you for your support whether it be in prayers, gifts, funny emails, food, comments, visits and general support. Hope all of you have a great night.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

New look

Enjoy the new look! Cool huh!?!?!

Good evening all. Hope everyone had a great day! Myself, I got up, fixed breakfast and then went back to bed for a couple of hours. Was just too tired to get up and go to work. But felt ok when I got up around 9:45. Got dressed and went to get my new sunglasses. Total wrap around and designed to keep all the sunlight out. Doctors told me I had to have while I was in radiation. After wearing them today, I wonder why I didn't get them along time ago. Total biker glasses. All I need now is a motorcycle!!

Worked until about 6:30 and came to home to take it easy. Have relaxed and will go to bed early as tomorrow is a long day with lots to do. No Friday off this year. Had chicken enchiladas for supper and they were delicious. I have felt a little tired this day but got alot accomplished so feel satisfied about day. I will not have any trouble sleeping. My body has felt good other than that. Stomach is doing good this day. Even my taste buds seem to be coming back somewhat. Still have the metal taste but not as bad as the last few days. Even ate a piece of chocolate and it was tolerable. Not great, but tolerable.

Had visitors today and enjoyed visiting with them and received lots of encouragement. God seems to provide people at the right times.

As we enter Easter lets us not forget that tomorrow starts the reason we can be forgiven. How many of us would sacrifice our sons? May God continue to bless each of you. He has provided me with support that I could never imagine and that is each of you. If you going out of town or traveling may God protect you this blessed weekend. Nite all.....

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Best laid plans

Slept pretty good last night. No gasping for air. Got up and fixed us oatmeal this morning (too dry), but i ate. Went back to bed for about an hour and couldn't sleep so got up, dressed in 10 minutes, and was at the office by 8:45. I had 15 minutes of solitude before clients came through the door, or before Iwas on the phone. Now, I had planned to take it easy today and get some rest and be home by 6. Needless to say, there was no nap this day and did not get home until 7pm. And at this writing I am approaching my brick wall.

While I did not accomplish everything I needed or wanted to do, it was a productive day and tomorrow starts anew. So will set goals tomorrow and see how close I get. Can only do so much but as my energy level gets better so will my productivity.

I have gained another 2 pounds. So I weigh a whopping 152 pounds. How many people do you know who are excited about gaining weight? If this was normal Lucille would have me on a salad and vegetable diet. I am not one who likes chicken pot pie but tonight I had one that was delicious. Enough flavor to mask the bad taste in my mouth so I could enjoy it. But at least I can eat most of what I want. Tried some ice cream again and it just isn't working, yet! Just have to keep trying different foods.

My water intake has gotten good and I think my kidneys are back to normal. Don't sip, just drink 15 oz at one time. And to think when I backpack I drink 32oz at one time.

Easter is just around the corner and it reminds me of what Jesus did for us. And I think about this ordeal and realize that while I am not going to die from this cancer, I can witness to folks and help them. Maybe the silver lining is the witnessing to others.

So as I need to get ready for bed before I hit this brick wall, I thank you for your prayers. Each day I meet folks who have been praying for me. I have alot of work to do to pay back all of you wonderful people. It is truly something to see so many people come together for me. I am in total awe with all of you. So hope your day was as good as mine. Nite gang.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Gasping for air.

What a start to the day. At about 2:30 this morning I woke up gasping for air. Scared me and really scared Lucille. Could not go back to sleep for a long time trying to figure out what happened. Should have taken blood pressure but did not. Whatever my body did to me was for a purpose but still don't know why it happened.

But when morning came, was rested and went to work to continue to dig into work that is piled on my desk. I did take an afternoon nap and will retire shortly for hopefully a better night sleeping.

I have felt pretty good today except for a little while this evening. But that has passed and feel good at this point. My energy is coming back slowly. My biggest problem is continuing to push myself instead of stopping. It is something I have to work on constantly. I am used to going a mile a minute and so when I get a little energy I think I am ready to get back after it. So will watch myself the rest of the week.

Had chili for lunch and supper and the spice was just enough to allow me to taste the chili. My mouth tastes like metal at this point so I am doing anything to try and mask it while I eat. It seems spicy is the way to go at this point. So I am eating pretty well now so will continue to eat a little all day to try and gain weight and get more energy. Have been drinking well today and that will continue to get better also.

So all in all, it has been a good day because I have energy coming back, I am able to eat anything I can tolerate and drink lots of liquid.

One of the cards I received today was from Jim and Terry Adams. It seems like I get a postcard from them once a week. Wonderful couple with such a positive attitude on life. Now you have to understand they are in their 80's and still very active. It is a real inspiration to read their notes of encouragement. All the cards I receive are absolutely wonderful and so heart felt from the senders. I am so energized by each one that I read. Some bring tears to my eyes, others make me laugh. About once a week I go through all of them and reread them. That's how uplifting they are to me. Thanks for the words of encouragement, whether it is via email, cards, voice or in person. They get me going along with God's help. I hope everyone had great Tuesday and that Wednesday is better for all of us. Nite.....

Monday, April 6, 2009

Too long of a day..

Well, so much for taking it easy today. Got to office around 8:30 and left around 9pm. Have felt pretty good all day! While food does not taste great it is tolerable. So am eating more. In fact, had home cooked fried chicken tonight. Makes me wonder how the Kennady family stays so slim!

While I know that I have a stomach, it is much better. Only thing I have to improve on is liquid intake. And that is something I will be working on hard this week. And hopefully, my taste buds will get a little better with each passing day.

But I expect to feel better each day this week but will take a nap tomorrow like I should have today. But work calls and folks visit so it has been hard today to get all that I wanted to get done. But tomorrow starts another day with more opportunities.

With all the support, whether cards, food, visits, emails, I constantly realize that life is about helping others unselfishly. About slowing down. About realizing that life's ebb and flow are not what make life great, it is all about the family and friends that we touch whether we realize we are making an impact or not. And sometimes those impacts are such that we don't even realize we are affecting others.

I will not have trouble sleeping tonight. And will slow down some tomorrow so I can make the week. Have done this before and the brick wall comes very suddenly and without warning. The body has a way of making sure you do not go to overload. That being said, my body is telling me I had better get my shower and get to bed. So God Bless each of you this day and may he continue to Bless all of us as we go through this walk of life. Nite all...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

What a great Sunday morning...and blessed afternoon

Today will be a two part blog posting. It is mid afternoon and will post on this one again later tonight.

Slept well last night. Got up at 8am (dog time). Decided that I would eat and sleep today to allow myself to get rested. Tomorrow should be the week in which I really start to feel good and able to get alot accomplished.

I have gained 2 pounds the last of this week, even feeling as I do. So to get the weight I need before radiation starts seems like it will become a reality. I know most of us do not want to gain weight but I as know I will probably lose it again during radiation.

If my Boy Scouts could see me now in pants. If not for my belt, I would have saggy pants. I have no butt whatsoever! And at some point in the future, I may wish for that no butt again. Nooooo, that won't happen around this house! Just ask Lucille!

So hope all of you are having a great Sunday. Joy brought over some banana nut bread fresh from her oven. And it is quite tasty. Get to go to my granddaughter's birthday party this afternoon. She is turning one. Later gang.

And good evening to all. I slept and ate and played with Hannah and her brothers at birthday party. Am feeling pretty good this evening. Had pizza for supper. Have figured out today at least, that if I keep food from the middle of my tongue my taste buds are pretty good. My fluid intake is good as is my eating. Like I said last night. Each day starts anew and this day has been a great one. While I stayed home and rested, it is allowing my body to heal itself and to get ready for a full week of work.

I know that much of my optimism is from the comments, cards, phone calls, visits, gifts and especially prayers. It is with this support that I go to bed each night knowing that tomorrow will present new challenges and new opportunities. It is with God's help that we meet these challenges and opportunities. May God Bless each of you for the new week ahead. I know that with God walking beside me that I will make the most of this week. Have a great week all.

PS. will be shaving my 5 whiskers tonight for the first time in 2 weeks!!!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Working on gettin well one day at a time

Evening folks. Today was one of ups and downs. Drank lots of water last night and got up feeling pretty good. Had biscuits and gravy and egg for breakfast. Had to go to work to get a job done. Things went well for a couple of hours, then I hit a wall. Finished the job with help and then proceeded to sleep for three hours this afternoon. My stomach started acting up around noon and has not let up since then. No lunch but a moderate supper. Have rested and cat napped all evening. I certainly won't have any trouble sleeping tonight.

Today is a day that tells me I am not ready for an all out activity whether work or play. I just feel worn out today. But tomorrow is another day in which I am one day further from chemo treatment so expect to feel better!

Got 2 broadbrim hats today from Lucille. I have needed some summer hats so it was a pleasant surprise. And Sarah bought me a sleeveless vest to wear on mornings that I feel cold. Which right now is most mornings.

As I get ready for bed, I thank God for another day of blessings. Friends came over, saw grandkids, people helping. What else can one ask for?

I would like to ask all of you for a special prayer for Mike Nance. He is having his second surgery on a tumor in his brain. He is a fabulous Christian man.

May your night be blessed and Sunday we all need to take time to thank God for all he has given each of us. And that he will continue to provide for us each day! Sometimes we can feel that he is not there, but in reality he is carrying us. Faith is all about trusting in him and turning our problems over to him. Thank you God for being here in our mist. Nite all

Friday, April 3, 2009

Minor road bump

Today is one more day down in my road to recovery. Started the day out at Allison Cancer Center. Was told that next chemo/radiation treatment would start around April 29. This extra time was to give my gums time to heal after teeth extraction. So will have 6 weeks of radiation and chemo once a week for that six week period. Numbers were good and I have had a pretty good day.

Marisol, our nurse, gave us an education on what would happen during that six period thereby allowing us to plan our schedules accordingly.

Talked to clients today and consulted a pre cancer lady. Spent most of afternoon talking but feel it is necessary due to all of the support that I am getting. Part of my life has changed in that I can now give testimony to others about cancer, the highs and lows, about maintaining a positive attitude. So while I did not accomplish all that I wanted work wise, the emotional support given to others was just as important. Although tomorrow I will be locking my doors to play catch up.

So when I walked into our home, I was told that Marisol had telephoned and that my kidneys were not doing well. Not drinking enough. So will be working on that this weekend and for the foreseeable future. Biggest problem is drinking all that water and then trying to eat enough to gain weight. And my stomach does not have room for both. So it will be non-stop eating and drinking. Lucille has put the word out that if I don't have a bottle in my mouth to make sure one is there! Not sure where I lost control here!

So tonight my stomach feels bloated but will keep pushing the liquids throughout the night to fix this problem. I do feel better today and more energized so know it will keep getting better as each day passes. And it will! Everyday for the next several weeks (minus the teeth extraction) will continue to get better as I hopefully gain the weight I need and stay hydrated. No one said this would be easy. So this is just another bump in the road to take care of.

I do not believe that God will let me down. I do not think I would be at this point today if He had other plans for me. So tomorrow starts a fresh day full of optimism enjoying the world. So if you're in the Midland area, hope you don't get blown away tomorrow! God Bless everyone this Friday night.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

In control again?

It is now Thursday evening at 10:30pm. Had a pretty good day. Got up, fixed breakfast for Lucille and then went back to bed! Slept for a couple of hours and then felt better so went to work. Worked for a couple of hours, then took a 1 1/2 hour nap before diving into some t-shirts to help Kathy finish a job that was due today. And inbetween talked to several clients. Went to Harrison's t-ball game for a little while, came home and slept for 3 hours before having 5 different dinners that resulted in none tasting good. But somewhere I think I got some protein in my system, which I need.

Stomach was not too bad today until the last of the 5 dinners! Go figure! So will take more medicine tonight to soothe stomach so can sleep.

I do feel alot better today than yesterday. Biggest problem I probably did today was overdid working. But get to sleep in tomorrow as have a doctor appointment around 9am. So some good comes to it all!

Had someone come in today that did not know I have cancer. Does he not read THIS blog or read the MRT? The nerve!! Guess I need to put it out over the tv and radio! It's funny, at Harrisons ball game tonight, I found people staring at me. Not sure if was the great looking bald head I have or being wrapped up in a jacket in 75 degree weather. Comfort is a necessity and if that is what it takes, then I guess they will deal with it. I already have! Hmmmm does that sound like I am trying to take control again?

Well, it's off to see how much hair I have lost over the rest of my body today. I'm getting a wax free of charge! Well, I guess the $34,000 that has been spent just on the chemo might count! Hope everyone had a great day. God Bless every one of you! Your comments, prayers, gifts, food, movies, telephone calls, emails help me so much each day. Thank you again. Nite all...

Whose in charge here?

Well, I think today is Thursday. Yesterday was another day of upset stomach, running into walls, and sleeping as much as I could. My brain is not up to its standards and that is frustrating but have been told to be patient. Lucille bought the store home last night trying to find something I would eat. A bite here and a bite there was it. But today is another day and will try it again. At this moment I feel pretty good but am headed back for bed a awhile when I finish posting.

I think back on the last treatment and realize that at this time I was still in hospital and did not really get with life until the next week. But I will try to do some work today and tomorrow and hope that next week does the same in energy levels. I will nap more often and talk less. Just concentrate on getting necessary work done.

I know each day will get better, but ready for it to be here all at once. But that doesn't happen so will continue to make small steps toward that direction. Get to go to the chemo doctor tomorrow for blood work and scheduling of the next round of chemo along with radiation. Oh and then there is the teeth extraction. Anyone want to trade places? I am a poor patient and I know that is frustrating to Lucille and my family. But I expect to get better and better as the days so by. So hopefully they can become a little more relaxed. I really feel for them, especially since I can't seem to get my act together.

God is truly in charge here. All I have to do is listen and pay attention. But then don't we all need to be listening to him more? Later Gang

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

One more day on the road to recovery.,.

Another night without posting. I hit the brick wall last night and was just not able to post. Sorry about that. I keep thinking that my stomach will wake up and be ok. But it is not to be this morning. Two days out from the hospital and still not where I want to be. And that is having some energy, eating and working. Breakfast of eggs was not to be today. Was told they were good! But I didn't see Lucille eating my share! I will go to the office today again for a few hours. Spent a couple of hours there yesterday and not sure what all was accomplished. The mind plays tricks with your brain (at least with me), so sometimes the thought process is not what I want. Being a person who has always been under control, this is a real new experience to me. Not one that I like, mind you!

Other than my stomach, my body does feel more energized this morning. The goal is not to push it to the point of no return. So will take it easy this morning, nap and work for awhile this afternoon. Maybe even enjoy the sun later this morning on the back porch.

I have been told repeatedly that what happens with one round of chemo does not necessarily happen the other rounds and I am realizing how true that is. But I am so much better than last time, just not what I want to be! But then, can't get everything you want sometimes.

I am expereincing the cold and numbness of my toes and fingers. Part of the chemo experience. And my head still has not acclimated to being bald. I am still wearing sock caps (courtesy of Emy and Nancy) most of the time. Guess it will have to be 90 degress outside for me to stop wearing them. While I look like a weirdo in public I value the warmth more. But then when I am at Allison Cancer Center, I just look like one of the group.

The days will get better and I will forget these feelings I have had the last couple of days. Actually, I won't but the good days will overshadow the bad. I am so far ahead in this game at this point that it would be great if there was a 10 run mercy rule.

I hope everyone has an awesome day. I plan on it with all my might. God Bless you. Steve