On Top of MMH

When we came to Allison Cancer Center Monday little did I realize that on Thursday I would still be here and can quite possibly be here til Saturday. These folks at the Oncology Unit are fabulous! I have asked and they have provided - now some of what they provided was not what I wanted but what I needed. It has be very hard for me to not analyze what was happening and then how to make sure it would not happen again. Just goes to show you that we are not in control of ourselves regardless of how much we think we are.

My 4th floor view has a window (but looks into the outpatient rooms!). It has one bed, 2 chairs, a tv, and bath. What more could I ask for!! It also has wakeup calls every two hours, prodding and poking, more medicines and lots of noises. And this goes on 24 hours a day. And when you confined to this 10 x 10 room, well, you can just guess how it feels to be in a prison. It seems like home will not become a reality at times. And I know that I will becoming a familiar face in the next couple of months. My contact with the outside world is a cell phone that seems to always be out of juice. And now this computer (brought by Cindy - Lucille's boss and good friend).

When we started this process, I did not know that it would kill me and then rebuild me! But all this chemo and especially the 5FU (just use your imagination about what it stands for) has done just that. So the further I get from the chemo process, the stronger my body will become. I did not think I would ever get tired walking down the hall or taking a shower, but this is my life right now. And to think I was going to go camping this weekend!

Today, I came off meds to see how my pain really was. The good news was I have used the medicine only once but the bad news is that it is morphine. At this writing I have not had any other morphine so if I can make the night, home might be in sight.

I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and lunch was some chicken I sneaked from a meal Lucille had gotten from Sarah. I felt like Walker (my 2 1/2 year old grandson who can't eat food) as I would sneak some chicken and rice. I eat slow to savor the taste as well as chew the food so much that it slides easily down my throat. Still not to the 2000 calories a day but it beats jello and broth.

And now. . .posted by Lucille

Steve just hit the wall. As he typed, his eyes closed and he fell into an exhausted sleep.

Each morning, Steve's first words are, "Did you bring cards?" So to all of you who continue to send notes, cards and email. Thank you for lifting his spirits. To Kathy, Sarah, and Janet, you can't imagine how your work at the businesses is helping Steve relax and heal. To Brenda, Bobby and family, thank you for being with us every step of the way. To Cindy and John, you don't even know how your understanding hearts ease my worries. To all of you who continue to pray and to share Steve's story of courage, thank you. We are deeply indebted to all of you who surround us with love and care.