Scouting Through Cancer

Happy Valentine's Day

2012-02-01T17:46:00.000-08:00

January is finished and February is going fast!

I had a visit with my throat doctor today - Dr Vic Patel is the greatest! I've had a spot on my neck that came up in November. It had been bothering me so I ask him about it today. It seems that even though I have been off radiation for almost 3 years, that my neck is still burning. So it is another item to my list of nuisances that I have to put up with to stay on this earth and to go where God says I need to be.

I am asking you to pray for my grandson - Walker. He has really been sick lately and can't seem to shake whatever he has. Goes in for more tests on Thursday. This is the young boy (age 5) that has such a wonderful view of life. To go through what he goes through and has since he was born is amazing. I just cherish every moment I have with him. I know Walker has walked with God in his young life and is such a witness! The words that come out of his mouth just blow me over. He talks of heaven. You just have to talk to him and visit with him to get the full impact of the wisdom that can come out of his mouth. But please pray for him. I pray for God's will in his life every day.

Valentine's Day is really overrated to me. Sorry ladies. But I believe that one (man) should give flowers and gifts all the time. I think those gifts and flowers carry alot more weigh because I give them because I want to not because I have to. Have you ever noticed how flower and chocolates prices fall on Feb 15!! That's not to say I don't do flowers but I don't just do them once a year. It is the little things we do for our loved ones that matter. It's the small comment about her looks, the encouragement, being the listener, massages, the hug, the kiss, the holding hands. Like I have said before, we need to slow down and smell the roses and that means spending a few special moments with our spouses and loved ones to let them know how special they are. I intend to continue to do this for all my loved ones. Hope you do to.... Later. Steve

New year

2012-01-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I have posted. I keep getting people who tell me they are still looking at the blog!!!

As I have thought about what to say, I have thought alot about my bout with cancer and what it has done to me and for me. But more of that later. As of this date, I weigh 145 pounds. My last check up was last October and everything checked out for the good. So it has been 2 years and 6 months since I had my last treatment. My taste buds have still not come back, my feet still tingle all the time, my head rings constantly, the tips of my fingers are still somewhat numb and I continually bite the sides of my mouth where my teeth used to be!! LOL That being said, I get to enjoy the everyday aspects of life today, so it is a small problem to be able to enjoy life. I am still involved in Scouts, get to watch my grandkids grow up and participate in their lives on a regular basis. I get to use my hands to upgrade our home. I get to visit with Lucille on a daily basis supporting each other.

What has cancer done for me you say? Having been close to death, my attitude about life has changed. I don't sweat the small stuff. I have more trust in God and that he will take care of me and my loved ones. I try harder to be more of a witness for God. It's like I tell my Boy Scouts, there are always people who watch you that you never know are watching. And you are an influence on them, good or bad. I cherish the same moments whether it is opening a door for someone, complementing someone, doing something that no one else knows about to brighten up someone's day. You know, according to the Myian calendar, the world will end this next December. How prepared are we if in fact it does end. Have we gotten our house in order? And if we have gotten it in order and the world does not end, have we wasted the year? The answer is no. In fact, December 22 will be a great day. We will either celebrate life with Christ or we will have another joyful day to spend with our friends and family. Either way we win!

Don't let a sickness have to change you. Just enjoy life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Keep Christ by your side. Enjoy each day with your loved ones and friends. Help each other. Do something for someone without putting your name on it. I thought I had faith but did not realize that how shallow it was until I got cancer. God has a plan for us. We just have to trust.

I hope everyone has a great 2012. Life as I know it has changed for the better. Has yours?

Belated Valentine's Day

2011-02-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that weare 45 days into the new year. As Lucille will tell you, I don't do anything for Valentine's Day. Overrated in my opinion. But I do believe in doing small things all through the year.

Frozen shoulder. Have you ever heard of it? I had not until I got it. I have had this problem since last fall. Was concerned it was cancer related but alias I found out it was old age and a body that is wearing out. Only thing to release the pressure is rest. So I just keep exercising to keep the arm limber. So goes life!

We have so much to be thankful for. As much as we appreciate all that others do for us and as much as we thank them or pray for them or give gifts of appreciation, we (I) don't think people enough. People helping people is what life is about. We cannot do it alone and needs constant help from people and from God. So this belated Valentine's Day is to again thank all of you for your constant prayer and support. I am 18 months out of the last treatment and have another 18 to go to be in full remission. Each day I am given the opportunity to help people in a small way. And each day I thank God for keeping me here to help in such a small way.

Smell the roses and savor life!

What's to be happy about?

2011-01-13T16:26:00.000-08:00

Ihave really thought long and hard about this writing. As of today, my second grandson is in the hospital going to have a biopsy on his lung. This involves cutting him open tomorrow to get a 1" x 3" piece of his lung. Please keep this young child and his family in your prayers.

And so....

I'm happy that I have no taste in my mouth,
I'm happy that my tongue sticks to the top of my mouth each night,
I'm happy that I have tingling feet and low circulation in my feet (cold all the time),
I'm happy that I have numbness in my finger tips,
I'm happy that my shoulders always hurt,
I'm happy that I don't care for sweets (but not really! LOL),
I'm happy that I have a salt taste in my mouth,
Im happy that I have a constant ringing in my ears,
I'm happy that my hair stands straight up on one side of my head

And to this you ask, What in the world could he be happy for?

I'm happy because I would not be here today if I did not have these effects from radiation and chemo. Thanks to the wonderful doctors, nurses, supporters, and God, I am here today to relate to Walker and his troubles. I'm here to listen and counsel others on their troubles. In fact so much, my troubles seem minor!

I'm happy that I have a God that always stands beside me, and he carries me (even when I don't want to be carried!).

As I told one of my Boy Scouts, people need people. We cannot do anything alone. It always takes a group. It always takes time from those we love to care for others. But what would life be without each other!

Take time to slow down and smell the roses..............

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2010-12-27T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas is over. Presents are unwrapped, family visited and getting for a new year.

My friend Scott had his eye surgery and is on road to recovery. My grandson is still needing prayers and will need them for months to come. He is a strong little guy.

This is the time of year that I reflect about the past year - the good, the bad and the indifferent. The things that I accomplished, the things I did not accomplish and works in progress. It is also the time that I will make my goals for 2011.

We have so much to be thankful for. As long as we keep our eyes on God then we will be able to accomplish the task. I did not say it would be easy, but the task can be done. I hope all of you have your eyes on God and that you are able to accomplish your goals for this next year. May it be full of blessings and goodwill. May we all pass the tests that we create. And may we all recongize the opportunties that are presented to us.

Christmas season

2010-12-15T16:17:00.000-08:00

Well I missed posting at Thanksgiving, so will get a head start on Christmas. Can't believe that it is here already! AN exciting time of year.

I now weigh about 138 pounds and holding. Still having numbness in fingers and tingling in toes ,salt taste in my mouth and ringing in my ears. But my energy is good and spirits are pretty good. Still have bad days but fewer than before. I have so much to be thankful for. I have friends who are going through cancer as I write this today. Scott from San Angelo is in Boston for treatment of cancer behind his eye. Please say a special prayer for this man. He has a wife and children (under 12) and is going to need all the support he can get over the next few months.

But you know God has a way of using us. Every day I seem to be helping folks that need something, whether it is a few dollars or a listening ear or words of encouragement. Is that what we are supposed to do, help each other. In todays time, everyone has forgotten about slowing down and helping others. It's sad that some only do it at Christmas. I think God wants us to do this 24/7! It doesn't have to be much. I find myself at peace after these good deeds. I only hope the benefactor gets as much comfort as I do.

Family is all coming home so will not be on road much. I plan on enjoying these holidays with my wife, kids and grandkids and friends.

Life is always throwing a curve at us. Are we going to just stop because it is not what we want or are we going to continue on and do the good things God wants from us. Each of us has a special gift. Are you using yours? I know I don't use mine enough. A good new year resolution.

Merry Christmas everyone.....May God Bless each of you......

Holiday season

2010-11-11T03:40:00.000-08:00

Halloween has come and gone and now Thanksgiving is here upon us. Today is Veterans Day and my Boy Scout Troop puts out over 500 flags on this day and 5 other national holidays during the year. This year today seems to be extra special. Alot of media attention for today to honor those soldiers who have served to protect our freedom and our way of life. My hat goes off to each and every soldier. Our troop is supporting the 176th Engineering Bridage this season. If you have time, give a small gift to a soldier. Even a card means alot to these guys. We enjoy our rights because they give up their holidays to make sure we get our holidays.

As for me, I am doing pretty good. Still have issues with my shoulders. Guess it will be with me from now on. Just have to work through it. But the good news is that my last cat scan found no cancer. Also had prostrate and colon exam and those also came up clean. So other than getting old I am pretty good shape. I still have tingly feet and my fingers are a little numb and my taste buds are still trying to make a comeback, but hey, it could be alot worse!

I would ask each of you to say a prayer for one of my grandsons, Walker. He is having additional medical problems. He is an energic 4 year old and loves life in spite of his problems. It's a lesson we can all learn from in that in spite of his condition he is happy (most of the time) and a joy to be around.

As I get ready to go into this holiday season, I have been reflecting my life the last couple of years. I am here for a reason. I still don't know why but God has a plan for me and I may never know if I have passed the test. So each day, I get out of bed (roll out of bed is more like it!) and approach each day as a new opporunity to help someone, whether it be physically, mentally or through prayer. My patience is alot better now. This last Sunday was the first day in a couple of months that I just relaxed (well, almost). Nothing had to get done. I have alot to get done but took the time to smell the roses, to feel the velvet of the rose and to admire the beauty of God's work. Do I slow down enough? The answer is probably no, but I hope that my activities are doing God's work and that I am making a difference in someone's life.

Going camping this weekend. Have about 20 boys and adults going to Big Spring to camp, put up bird houses, have a flag retirement ceremony and have a campfire. It will be a little chilly but it will be a good weekend to help these young men learn something about themselves and for me to learn more about me. I think the greatest pleasure in life is knowing that you make a difference in someone's life, however small. There is no reward, just a piece of mind that I have helped someone this day to make their life a little better.

Hope all of you have a great day and great week. God Bless Each of YOU this day! Steve

Mid month report

2010-10-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I thought I would have a routine day at the hsopital having a ct scan. I spent the better part of the day at the hospital as my blood work showed that my kidneys were not functioning right. So spent the day being hydrated so I could have scan. Just need to drink more water. Evidently I have not been drinking enough. Well, since then, I am wearing the floor out going to the bathroom!! I get the test results next week at the doctors.

Caught a cold or something from my grandkids. Been fighting it for over a week now. Hopefully, it is minor and will run its course in the next few days!

Been told that my body is getting old. Have problems with my shoulders! So buy stock in the Aleve company! Will be using it to control the inflammation in my shoulders! For those of you who are in the same age boat as I am, it's hec getting old. For those who are younger and have not experienced this wonderful !!@@)) age, your time is coming!!

Life has a way of throwing curves at us. It is how we handle those curves that defines our character. And the best character is having that complete trust in God. And those curves just strengthen my faith in him. It just goes to show that we are not in control of our life, God is! It's sad that people have to find God when the going gets rough and tend to forget the blessings he gives us when times are good. Let us all remember that he is always with us in bad times AND in good times. I have gotten busy and have not slowed down to smell the roses until yesterday. It was just a reminder that I am getting too busy. Hope all you wonderful people have a great day and great weekend.

A sad day

2010-09-27T15:26:00.001-07:00

First of all, I want everyone to know that as of this date, I am free of cancer. Just finished going backpacking with 40 pounds on my back and came through with flying colors! I couldn't say that within a few hours after it was over, but was not in near the soreness I thought I would be after nearly two years from a backpack trip.As of this date, I am scheduled to go to Philmont and backpack for 12 days in 2012.

I now have arthritis in my shoulders. The pain is bad at times and am taking lots of asprin to keep the pain down. My range of motion is not as good as I would like but am working through it.

I have a CT scan in the middle of October and numerous visits with doctors over the next 4 weeks. I have been out of therapy for 1 year and 3 months by this Sunday. I thank God and ask for your blessings through him for your support in this endeavor. After having cancer, it is always in the back of my mind and all my aches and pains are a constant reminder that I had cancer. It is something that I will never forget about.

This day is sad as a friend of mine just found out she has cancer. She is going to MD Anderson next week for a second opinion. Please keep her in your prayers. She is in for a long ordeal. She supported and prayed for me during my time and now it is my turn. I'm glad I am here for her to talk to if she needs the time. She is upbeat and is turning this over to God. I believe it is the only way to beat this. It is the only way to live, but turning it over totally is tough, as least for me. It is something I work on each day. As I slow down to smell those roses, I have to trust that God will continue to provide for me so I can slow down. And so far he has.

The power of prayer is evident in my life that it works! I ask you to pray for this lady as she starts through her ordeal.

Enjoy the fall! It should be a great one!

Another day - another doctor

2010-09-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

Hope all had a good Labor Day weekend. We stayed home and worked on fireplace. All I have left is to grout and run wiring. But will not be using any time soon with the temps in the 90's. Though fall was suppose to start rolling in after Labor Day!!

This month will be going to doctors every few days. Have gone the last two days to have blood drawn for a multiple of tests. Then starting next week, I go to doctors every week for the next 4 to 6 weeks. Just check ups. Sometimes it is hard to figure out if I am just old and hurting or something is wrong! Any of ya'll have that problem?

Taste is getting somewhat better. Weigh about 138 pounds. Energy level is getting better but the recovery period seems to get longer. Could it be that age has something to do with this??

Going backpacking this weekend if my grandson gets healthy. Walker has been having a bad week. So bad he is going to hospital if he does not respond to treatment. Doctor says he is but slowly. Please keep Walker in your prayers. So we will see. Have not been backpacking since before all this started. To think that I was going to backpack at Philmont 10 days after my last radiation. Little did I know what I was in for!! Really looking forward to it. Have to trim my weigh load down to match my new weight!

My Boy Scout Troop is 25 years old this year. My Troop surprised me with a plaque and award for staying around. It made me tear up. Can't cry in front of boys! Yea right! It was very moving and really made me feel good inside.

I can't pray enough for all those I know who are sick. We just have to trust in God that he will make it all ok in his time. Will let you know the results of all my visits in the next few weeks. It is raining tonight so will be nice and cool. Yea!!

lost a mom

2010-08-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

Another school year has started. Even though we have no kids in school it is still exciting as our oldest grandson started kindergarten yesterday. He really liked the first day but when he found out he had to go today, he was less than excited. He had fun yesterday but decided he wanted to stay home today. Didn't see the need to going every day!!

Went to my heart doctor yesterday and my ekg was good. I have been having pain in my shoulders but upon checking Dr Miller thinks it is tendonitis. So will keep on going and doing what I do and that is to live each day as it comes. It is hectic but am trying to slow down and enjoy my loved ones. Granted it is hard to do, but feel it is necessary to smell those roses!

Enjoyed my camp out this past weekend. Went to Buffalo Trail Scout Ranch and just camped. Had a monster rain shower Saturday afternoon but it was a good weekend. At BTSR there is a flag pole with plaques on them. My name was on one of them which was donated by someone who wanted to remain nameless. Needless to say, I am very humbled that someone would honor me in this way. I just try to help kids to be part of life and be able to deal with it.

This past Monday I went to a funeral for one of my "moms". I was very fortunate to have several "moms" in my life and on this day I paid my respects to Mary Jamieson. Growing up I had several 'moms' that influenced me in my life. While I may not have been in contact with them, they have and are always on my mind as I go through life. While I was growing up, they listened to my problems, gave me advise, corrected me, and guided me. I was fortunate to have several of these wonderful women so help me. I cling and think about the others in my life and thank God for putting them in my life. Life is about touching other people, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst, but always knowing God has put us together for a purpose. As we grow up, we move to the next chapter in life using the experiences learned for our next adventure. My "moms" took their time away from their loved ones to help me, to guide me. And I am so thankful God put them into my life! I have several "moms" to go along with my mom. Did you have any "moms"? Have you thought about how they helped your life? I know there is a special place for them in Heaven. I just hope I have done half as well as they have done. Thank your mom or moms soon.

Hope all of you still reading this blog have a great week and may God continue to bless each of you and will continue to bless this nation...

Dog days of summer

2010-08-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Middle of August and it is hot. Hopefully rain will be in our area this week!

My little Walker Man ( second grandson ) is a medical mystery according to doctors at Mayo Clinic. He is on God's time and we have to pray and trust in God that he will be around for a long time. He is such a joy to watch and knowing how much pain he is in at times! Please continue to pray not only for Walker but for this whole family as they continue their journey through life.

I am down to 134 pounds as of this morning. The ringing in my ears is constant as is the tingling of my feet. I am eating, of which not much has taste. But I am here and doing what I hope God wants. You just never know when you are going to make a difference in someone's life and you may not even know it! But God does know so we have to trust that we are making a difference!

My bathroom project is still close to being done. Have drawer fronts to build and then to paint and install. I have set a new goal of having done by Labor Day. Going camping this weekend.

Business has been pretty good. I did not realize how bad it was last year until I started working on my taxes. You know God is in your life when you see past results. He has carried me. I'm sure he is carrying alot of us now. We have so much to be thankful for and most of the time, we don't realize it! As we smell those roses, let us remember that God is always there with us. We just have to keep the door of our heart open.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week. Enjoy your loved ones. Enjoy your daily walk in life. Don't let the little things bother you. Trust that God will take care of you. After all, we are on his time, not ours. Have a great one...... Steve

Back from summer camp

2010-07-29T15:07:00.001-07:00

Went to the hill country near Kerrville for Boy Scout Summer camp. Was hot and humid but it was great to be with the kids. Had a great group of boys and adults. It has taken me over a week to recope from camp. Had about six hours or less of sleep each night. Typical summer camp. Good news is I did not lose any weight.

I am asking for prayers for Jim Stewart (Lucille's dad). He is having some heart problems. Walker (grandson) is going to Mayo Clinic Aug 9 for evaluation. Hopefully, they can find out problems he is having and get them fixed!

Only a few more weeks of summer and then school starts up! Days go faster and faster it seems. It seems to get harder and harder to get everything done each day. So here I am writing this blog!! LOL

About finished with major home repair and that is rework of master bath. Hopefully this weekend I will get finished except for a little trim work. And then its off to another project. Home ownership is great!!

I hope everyone is having a good summer. Hope everyone is able to slow down a little and smell those roses!

One year ago....

2010-07-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

It was axactly one year ago I was in a car on the way home after my last radiation treatment and hydration treatment. Little did I know that I would be sick for another two months. But on this day in the early morning, I had finished my radiation treatment. The guys gave me a silver cross (they give everyone this) and my mask when I finished. I thought I would be able to click my heels and really get after it. Did not happen!
But what a difference a year makes. Today, I weight 135 pounds, have pretty good energy, am reasonably healthy. I eat because I have to. Food taste comes and goes. My immune system is still not where it should be so even a summer cold takes weeks to get over now.
My feet still tingle, I still have ringing in my ears. But I am here to do what God wills me. I live each day to the fullest and try to slow down to smell the roses. My energy level also dicates as to when I have to slow down!
Late next week I will be going to summer camp with my Troop. Going to the hill country. It will be a trying week, I'm sure, but will enjoy it.
Have been remodeling bathroom and working on my home repair list. Making some inroads. Owning a home means constant maintenance, but at least one can see the results.
I thank God for my health. I have family and friends who are sick. So I count my blessings each day and pray that God will heal these people.

2009 was a year I most certainly will not forget. It is funny how one forgets about the bad times. Today I have thought about all the times I was sick and in the hospital. I think about all the people who have sat with me, or done work for me, or filled in during my absence. When you are sick, then you find out who your friends are! I found out that prayer is indeed powerful. For I do not think I would be here today, if it were not for all the prayers I have received from ya'll.
Life is all about what we do for others, not for ourselves. It is about making a small positive difference in another person's life. It is about friends from long ago coming to the aid of others in time of need. Life is about helping each other. In today's world of me, me, me, it is rare for people to stop or slow down to help others. But in my case, I had people all over the world who stopped for a moment each to pray for me. So I have be truly blessed this past year. I have not begun to or will ever be able to repay the indebtedness to each of you, but I prayer that each of you are blessed by God each day.

2010 has been a year of recovery for me, for my family. Life goes on and does not stop when one is sick. So as my health recovers, so does my business, so does my family life. When I get short I think about 2009 and what others have given up for me and I just chill and relax and give what I need to help.

Hope you have smelled the roses this year. God Bless each and everyone of you. Steve

Birthday

2010-05-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

May 22 was my 60th birthday. Considering all the events of a year ago, I am grateful to be celebrating it. Spent the day working on master bath. A shower leak has become a full blown redo.

I have pushed myself the past couple of weeks with work and home repairs. Needless to say, I am not back to 100%. But don't know of any other way to get energy back than to get with the life of living. Just have to take a little longer to get reenergized! The fact I am even able to do these things is a tribute to God and to all the prayers given on my behalf.

I cannot over emphaize the power of prayer. For folks who not believe in it, I feel sorry for. I am what I am today through the power of prayer. I continue to ask for blessing for each of you each day.

I am maintaining my current weight of 135 pounds. Even got up to 137 for about 24 hours!! Food still does not taste good for the most part. Trying to take a spoonful of honey each day. It is said to bring back the taste buds faster. We'll see. It is worth trying. My feet are still tingling and massage them on a regular basis. My fingers still have some tingling although it is rare now. I have graduated to short sleeve shirts and one less blanket at night. I started working out some in hopes of improving my endurance and energy.

Last year at this time I was finishing up my final chemo and about half way through radiation. I have my radiation mask by my office door that serves as a constant reminder of (as if I needed one) what I went through. It's funny how one forgets about the sickness part after awhile. But when I sit and think about the process, it all comes back. I don't do that very often. No sense in it. Life is about tomorrow and moving forward. History is to learn from. And I thank God for carrying me through all the tough times. And I will thank him for all the good times. Too often we do not give credit to God for the good times. We tend to think we do the good things ourselves. We are deceiving ourselves when that happens. God is with us always, both in good times and bad times. I'm just glad I have let him into my life. I know my faith has increases multiple folds this last year.

Hope eveyone has a great week. I know I will!! Later gang.

just another day

2010-05-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my first official haircut yesterday. Lucille said I looked like a hippie!! And to think that a year ago I was without hair!

Weight is now 130 pounds. If I drop below that I will be in trouble. Problem is that food really doesn't interest me and needless to say the taste is not there. The hotter the better!

I finally do not have to wear my beanie to bed every night! Still cover up so maybe by the end of the summer I will not have to have 3 blankets on me every night!

As I sat on one of the benches that an Eagle Scout candidate made for the Hope House Cancer Home, I reflected on the past year especially this time last year. It was comforting to sit there knowing that I made it through with the help of doctors, nurses and the power of prayer from all those who prayed for me. Every time I go past Allison Cancer Center I offer up a prayer for those who are there. There isn't enough praying for all those folks.

The day is hot and the wind is blowing. A typical Midland day. But while we are here, we should slow down and smell the roses as they are blowing past us!!

Test results

2010-04-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

I had my 9 month check up yesterday. The resuts were clear and I am now being moved to a six month check up already. My only problem is weight and a low white cell count. So my immune system is low. That explains why I am catching anything I am coming in contact with.

I have hair again althought I am keeping it short, especially on the top. Still get cold and still have tingley feet and no taste to speak of. But the implications could be alot worse so not complaining about it.

Biggest mental problem I have is that everytime I get sick or have an earache, I get worried about cancer rising up again. Will continue to go to doctor when I am sick and can't shake it. Weight is 135 pounds again. I get to this and then proceed to lose to 130. But again, it could be worse. So many are worse off than I am and I thank God for that and for you. My prayers include all of you each day as I continue this walk.

Still not into sweets. And like hot stuff and losts of liquid. Today is a day of salt. It justs depends on day to day. Am glad warm weather is here so I won't be so cold.

I have a Boy Scout do an Eagle project at the Midland Hope House. It is exciting to see that cancer patients will have benches to sit on and to admire the American Flag while staying at the new Hope House. Anything to help cancer patients relax a little in going through their treatments.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I am trying to catch up on home repairs that I did not do last year. Not sure why!!! ( you should be laughing).

Later all.....

Not sure what else to post

2010-03-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

This time last year I was in the hospital taking alot of drugs trying to get me from getting so bad.

Today, I am doing much (actually alot) better. I weight 134 pounds at this time. My energy level is getting better. I do anything I want to try.

Biggest problems today are: food still has not tasted right. Most chocolate is bad for me. Alot of bread still dries out my mouth, as does grapes and other fruits. My greasy hamburger has not made its way across my hands yet!! My feet still tingle. I spend time each night rubbing them. When they get cold, it gets worse. I have started letting my hair grown back out, but it is very slow. Primarily I have done it to try and keep my head warmer. It was 70 today and I had a jacket on! Beanies still rule my house right now!

I am currently having tests done on my heart and artries to see what effect the chemo and radiation have done to them. Unofficial results are very favorable.

My daughter, Sarah, has made a hard bound book of this blog. As I have started reading through it, I wonder how I made it. I knew it was bad, but did not realize it was that bad. But God and the power of prayer has do wonderful things in my life. As I have told people in my office, the Lord must have some use for me. I have a friend who lost his wife this last year and we go eat once a week. I have grandkids that I have to help. I have a Boy Scout Troop that I oversee. I have an ear for those who need to talk. And I pray alot. Not for me, but for those names come across my computer, phone, tv, by mouth. If prayer worked for me then it is the least I can do for others!

My next CT scan is in April. I approach each day with a newness. Each day that I wake up and realize that I can make a difference in someone's life. I smell the roses. I slow down to help others. Life is truly rewarding by helping others, whether they know you are doing it or not. It just makes the heart feel good!!

I'm not sure how many folks are still reading this blog. It has been a great relief for me to be able to expess my problems and conditons I have gone through. The comments have been God driven. Life is what we make of it. Are we willing to take the extra step to make a difference. I know each of you have done that for Lucille and me.

I will post once a month for a few more months. It is hard to truly say good-bye to this blog as it has meant so much to me. But it may be time to try something new. We'll see....

God Bless each of you this day... Steve

One year ago

2010-02-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hi gang -

A year ago today, I was now coming out of surgery thinking I had just lost a tonsil and found out that behind that tonsil was cancer. So started the process of getting set up to take care of this problem. My thoughts that day were that it seemed so unreal. I did not feel that hurt and while I knew it had to be taken care of, I wondered if it would just go away. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of doctor appointments to set the chemo and radiation process in motion. Little did I know what changes in my life as well as Lucilles, that this process was going to take us through.

Little did I know that over the next two months I would spend almost half of it in a hospital. Little did I know that I would not be able to work effectively, sleep well or keep up physically with the treatments. Little did I know how much power there is in prayer. Little did I know how much support was out there praying and supporting Lucille and me in this journey.

God has a way of using our problems to his advantage. The posting of this blog which has helped me. The posting of this blog which I understand through comments has helped so many others. The posting of this blog to see that with faith all things can be conquered. I know I would not be here today without the support and prayers from each and every one of you. Prayers and support have come from around the world. It just shows us how small the world really is. It has taught me that there is good in all people. And sometimes it takes something like this to draw folks together.

The sicker I got when going thru chemo the more prayers that were offered up. And the more support that was received. Wonderful people stepped up to keep my business going, to bring us meals, to making me caps (which I still wear today!), to bringing gifts of joy and blessings, to the phone calls and emails from people who we know and people who we did not know. And blessings from the folks (doctors and nurses) who took care of us. Without supporters cancer victims would have a really rough time making it through.

Dr Rastogi told us up front that I would be taking the treatments regardless of how sick I got as this was a curing treatment, not a maintiance treatment. There were days and nights that I wondered if I would survive. The treatments seems worse than the cancer. But again YOU always were there at the right time to pull me through!

As I started radiation, I had visions of going to Philmont Scout Ranch to backpack. But as my neck started to burn and I started losing alot of weight I realized that it was not to be. Again it was the joy of the boys in the Troop that helped me to continue. My family was always there, just like they are today, to take up the slack. Whether it was to sit with me while I was sick or to help take care of our home, I cannot forget the love and devotion of family. I think of Walker, our second grandson (who is now 3), who has alot of problems of his own. We compared port scars, and stomach tubes. He knew what I was going through. He had already been through it himself.

And then to the recovery. I thought July 3 I would be finished and everything would be good. I did not realize that it would take 3 weeks to get to the point that I would start the actual recovery process. And today I am still recovery.

Today, I can say "yes, I am a cancer survivor", and "yes, I owe where I am today to all those who have helped through support and prayers". I cannot ever say "THANKS" enough or give of myself enough to make up for the support and prayers. But then, that is what God expects of each of us, to help others without want of recognition. So I hope that God has blessed each of you in some way for your outpouring of love.

I mentioned a silver lining in this cloud somewhere in my previous blogs. I may never fully realize what the silver lining is but it might be: the help I have given others through this process, the compassion that I have because I now have walked in the shoes of a cancer victim, the deeping of my faith in God, the witnessing of my faith in God to others, the trust that one puts out there for others to see and reaps the rewards.

As of today, I am cancer free. I have another full round of tests in April. But actually I just live from day to day, trying to live each day to the fullest. Trying to give something back to others through witnessing. Trying to make a brighter day for someone who I may not know. Trying to slow down and smell the roses.

So while today has been somewhat tough on me, I know that tomorrow will come and another opportunity will come for me to help someone else. I thank you again and I know God is blessing each of again this day. Later Gang......

Is it the end of January already?

2010-01-27T18:18:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is the end of January already. I have gained weight up to 135 pounds and it seems to be staying with me!! The doctors will be happy!! At least my ribs aren't showing as bad.

My fingers are doing pretty well but my feet go into full sleep when they get too cold. It makes snow skiing pretty difficult! We skiied one day with Adam and it was pretty good. Everything stayed pretty warm but my feet went to sleep. In fact I got up from my office chair the other day and fell flat on my face as my foot went to sleep. OH well, it just makes life more interesting.

Needless to say, I stay wrapped up in a blanket when sitting at home and almost always have a jacket on at the office. We have used alot of fire wood so far this winter trying to keep the den warm. Too cheap to turn up the heat!!

My taste buds are coming back so slowly. Ice cream still does not have an appeal. Nor chocolate! I still like stuff that has liquid. I eat sandwiches with about 11 ounces of water to chase it down!!

Inow have a constant ringing in my ears. It is so silent when it stops. One of the problems with this cancer and the amount of chemo and radiation I had. Maybe part of the reason I can't hear as well.

I have started letting my hair grow back out. It is about a 1/4 inch all over. Some parts are black but I think it will end up white again! And don't think it is coming in any thicker!! But at least if I keep it short, then I don't have to worry about shampooing it every day and combing it! Just have to look to the good in everything! Will try to take a picture showing the length.

I think one of the hardest things about having cancer is that every time I have a ache or runny nose, I think "what if it is back?". I have more tests next week. February 4 is one year ago that I found out that I had throat cancer. More reflects on that when that date gets here.

I am back at work full time. My energy level gets better every day. It's a good thing with tax season rolling around. While life will not be the same as last year, I am sure there will be bumps along the road. But trust in God that all will be ok. Just have to find those silver linings.

Later gang.....

A good day

2010-01-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had a memorial for my Dad who as you know, died from Alzheimer's. It was a wonderful service and I am grateful to First Christian Church for all their efforts. It was good closure for the family.

I have started letting my hair grow out some. I stay cold all the time so thought it might help if I had a little bit of a rug on my scalp! My fingers and especially my feet are still tingly and when I talk too much my mouth gets real dry. But this year has started out so much better than last year. Little did I know what was in store for Lucille and my family. I am certainly looking forward to a better year!

I lost my three pounds this last week, but will continue to eat. My strength gets a little better as does my energy level.

Don't know about ya'll but ready to get into the regular routine. I like the holidays but ready to get back to work and a regular schedule. I have a doctor's appointment this week with my regular doctor. Don't expect anything just a checkup.

Life brings alot of changes and suprises. Some will be good and others will be not so good. But we have to continue to live each day to the fullest. To keep taking a step and continuing to live. People depend on each one of us in one way or another. WE touch peoples lives that we don't even know about. So we have to keep taking those steps each days. We never know when our actions or workds will affect somene in a positive way. This is a great gift from God that we forget about sometimes. I know these past twelve months have taught me about the positive words and support we should do. If not for each and every one of you, I would not be doning this today.

Here's to a great week to walk with God and to do our small part in making a positive influence on someone.

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T11:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone.

Since my last posting I have had my port removed and have celebrated a wonderful Christmas and a new beginning of a new year.

Had my port taken out on Dec 23. The doctor had to dig it out as my muscle was in the process of encapsulating it! But other than bruising, everything turned out great. I tried to get the doctors and nurses to let me keep the port, but couldn't have it. Was going to put it on my board of cancer remembered. Was told not to lift anything heavy for 3 weeks. Well I helped lay a sidewalk over new years and kinda exceeded the weight but I think all is ok!

Still have the same ole problems. Only new thing is a ringing in my ears. Today I weight 134 pounds. We'll see if it stays on this week. Ate like a pig over the holidays. Got new clothes that fit for Christmas. Now I really look skinny! LOL

I have alot to be thankful for considering what has happened this past year. I am thankful for all my friends who have supported and prayed for me this past year. I am thankful for all my caregivers for their support and love this past year. I am thankful to God for allowing me some more time on this earth. I intent to make the most of it this year!

My dad passed away on Dec 22 and I consider it a blessing. A memorial will be held this Saturday, Jan 9 at 10:30 am at First Christian Church in Midland. He had alzheimers.

The new year will bring it share of joys, sorrows and problems, but with God's help we can make it through. No new years resolutions, just going to try and live each day to the fullest. May God Bless each of you this day and every day of 2010.

One more surgery

2009-12-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS all -

A blessing came my way today in that God finally called my Dad home. He was in advanced stages of alzheimers. Was there yesterday to see my mom and dad. I thank God for taking him from this disease and consider it a gift from God.

I having having my port taken out in the morning. The last foreign object in my body, at least man made object! I take it as a good sign from the doctors that believe that everything is going great! Another great gift from God!

I want to wish all of you a very Merry CHRISTmas. I will really be enjoying my grandkids and family. And slowing down even more to relax and smell the roses. All the family is coming in so it will be a great time. I plan on putting my son to work doing another home project provided the weather cooperates!

I still have the usual stuff wrong with me, but it is minor in the long course of things. Just have to pay attention to myself more.

If it was not for the prayers of all of ya'll, this season would not have been possible. I pray that each of you has a fantastic blessing this Christmas. I know I have already been blessed! Here's to all of you as I sip on a cup of apple cider.......

CT results

2009-12-15T14:46:00.000-08:00

I saw all the doctors today, got the results of the scans, and saw both Dr Corwin and Rastogi for the results. And the results were all clear! I was informed that PET scans will only be done if they find something in the CT scan. The doctors were so happy that I am going to a 4 month recheck. Needless to say, I am truly blessed. If I said I was not worried, Iwould be lying, but Christmas will be a special one this year.

Still have tingly fingers and feet. Still have dry mouth. Have a new pain on my leg. No weight gain. Look like I have been starved for months! Still bald headed. Voice still not normal. Taste buds still not back. Energy and strength not where I want them. And to all of that, I say, so what! As of this day, I am healed due to God and your prayers. I have leaned on each and every one of you and God has carried me through these last eleven months!

As I was sitting at Allison today, I thought about the last 8 months, the 3 weeks in the hospital. So sick that I wondered if I would make it. The radiation treatments and the neck burning. The never feeling like I would feel good again. I saw folks that are just starting their treatments and old timers in for check ups. Would I do it over again knowing what I would go through? Not sure. If it came back, would I endure another round, if I could have one? Thankfully I do not have to answer that question. Living life each day is my goal right now. I am trying to let God have his way with me to use as he wants. After all, I think I am here for a reason. Not sure I have found the silver lining in this cloud but I think I have touched some lives that may have made a difference in their lives. I know that the outpouring of the love and support from ya'll have made a difference in my life. I have slowed down to smell the roses. I appreciate the small things in life.

I went to my two grandsons Christmas play today and it was wonderful! My grandaughter ran up to me and gave me a hug. Who could ask for more?

This is a season to celebrate Christs birth. It is also the time we should renew our faith in God. To open our hearts to him. To listen to what he is telling us. And most importantly, to committ to doing it for all of 2010. We wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let's make it one for the ages. I know I plan on it! Later gang....

The Christmas season is upon us

2009-12-09T19:06:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a good weekend. Have spent the past week working trying to get caught up at the office including cleaning. I had a CT scan today but have to wait for the results for a few days. The wind blew about 70 mph yesterday. Luckily the damage was not much around here. However, I would not have wanted to be on the edge of town of in the country side.

I was so glad that I had gained 2 pounds over the holidays. However, by the middle of the week I had lost it and now again weigh 131 pounds. It could be worse! I could be losing more weigh and am not, so I am thankful. I had a CT scan this morning. I had a beginning nurse at the hospital and he really dug into my arm looking for a vein. The same one the chemo lab has no trouble getting to! But that too is a thing of the past. Just have to wait for lab results. Prayerful consideration that the cancer is still gone!

I still do not have all my energy back but am working on it. And I still have some chemo brain. At least that is what I attribute things I don't remember. Convenient huh? Still getting cold and expect to wear out several beanies, as well as gloves, this winter!

The glands in my mouth are actually coming back. It is that or I have really gotten used to drinking my meals. But each morning I have to drink before talking as my throat is really dry. But then I could have a devise in my throat because I could not speak normally!

I have always enjoyed the holiday season but this year is really special. Without Dr Patel taking out my tonsil last February, I might not be here today. At least in the shape I am today. So I am truly thankful to God for this special year. Our Christmas ornament this year was a special design that this lady makes for cancer victims. I will post after I take a picture of it.

People still tell me they read this blog and 2 new people have read it this week. If I am helping others then it is all worthwhile. I know it is good for men to keep posting although I don't normally have alot to report to this faithful group.

I am telling everyone "MERRY CHRISTMAS" this year. It is time we put GOD back into the forefront of this nation. This nation was founded on Christian religion and I believe this nation has succeeded because of this belief. I know I am preaching to the choir.

When I feel sorry for myself, I just have to look around me. There are those worse off than me. Allison Cancer Center has been wonderful in taking care of me. But the real credit for my recovery comes from this support group and believing that GOD has a plan for me while I am still on this earth. I had an opportunity to talk to someone about cancer this morning while waiting for my CT scan. It is amazing what we can do if we let God direct our lives.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you. We all get busy getting ready for Christmas but remember that Santa Claus also prays. So shouldn't we take a few moments from each day to do the same?

Merry Christmas

2009-11-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

Hope all had a good Thanksgiving! I know I did. Worked hard but enjoyed the friendship and help in putting up a new fence. If not for Jim, Rene, Adam, Sarah and her family and Lucille, I would still be working on it. But it is finished as is the Snow Village.

I still have tingly fingers and feet (especially feet). The fourth bone chip has finally come out and my jaw is still trying to heal itself. Still have a dry mouth at times. Still get real cold. Weighed this morning and now weigh 133 pounds. We'll see if it stays on! Am still having to drink alot of water at meals altough I think it is getting better. Had my eyes checked and they do not seem to have lost much sight with all the chemo and radiation. Can't say that about hearing so I get to use selective hearing!

With the possibility of snow tonight and tomorrow, the outdoor lights may have to wait a couple of days. But plan on really enjoying Christmas this year! I always do but this year will be more special! God has blessed me and my family this year in ways we did not ever think about. It makes me much more in tune with living each day. I don't think I will ever take any day for granted anymore. I hope everyone has a great day..

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

Well, got through the weekend campout ok. Was nice to camp with the boys and see them shoot their guns. Worked on getting a project finished for Thanksgiving yesterday afternoon so am a little tired today. Still shows my energy level not where I want it. And then have to get the snow village put up, so lots of activity to do this week!

I got cold working last night and my tingling fingers and feet really paid the price. Doing much better today. Will have to watch that in the future. Did not think about the cold affecting my hands and feet. My jaw is still hurting as the bone chip is not coming out yet! Hopefully it will come out this week!

Lots to be thankful for. I'm thankful for my family and friends who have continued to support me this fall. I'm thankful for all those who have continued to pray for me as I continue on the road to recovery. I'm thankful for the military for the unselfishness they give to this country. I'm thankful to being able to spend Thanksgiving with family and friends this week.

We have so much to be thankful for due to what God has given us. And praying that he will continue to bless this nation! I hope each of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Something to be thankful for

2009-11-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

It has been 10 days since my last post. I can't say much has changed overall. I still weigh about 130 pounds. I have another bone chip trying to come out in my jaw. I still drink my meals, although it is getting better. Or maybe my care givers are getting better at making meals more watery! I still have a bald head and I wear a beanie or hat most of the time. My ears hurt because of my jaw and I have aggravated a nerve in my back again!

But before you think I am feeling sorry for myself , DON'T. Things could be alot worse. I get up every day. I am even getting close to getting up with Lucille every morning. Have not done that in a long time. My energy level is improving, I am slowly getting my office back into shape. I am able to camp with my Troop. I get to enjoy my grandkids and my children on a regular basis. I am eating better, although my taste buds are not back to where I would like them. My friends have continued to pray for me and my recovery and to give me words of encouragement.

I am glad to be able to witness to others. I am glad to be able to console Walker as he tries to fight another infection. I am glad to be able to enjoy my family and my friends. I am glad that I am able to work. I am glad I am able to finish some of my home projects at last. I am glad to see the sun come up and go down each day. I am glad to be able to enjoy the fall colors.

And all of this came about because of the prayer and support from you and God. I am still here for a reason and each day I try to do something to let God know it was a good decision.

Christmas is just around the corner. I am trying to put some finishing touches around the house as we get ready for Thanksgiving. I am building an outdoor fire pit for our guests next week. Pictures will be forthcoming. I have started putting up the Snow Village. It is a several day affair. Pictures will be forthcoming on that also. I am excited about this Christmas season. Excited about be able to enjoy it to the fullest. Able to praise God for sending his Son to this earth. I plan on smelling alot of roses this next month!

And yes, I will be saying Merry Christmas to all. Happy Thanksgiving all. Be sure to say a prayer for all our service men and women who are not with their families during this time of year. We owe alot to them!

Later gang!

A good weekend

2009-11-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

Good Monday morning to all..

Well Lucille and I spent a relaxing weekend at our dear friends, the McFarlands. We chopped down a tree for firewood, ate, rode motorcycles, fixed a picnic table, rode motorcycles and ate and had a campfire. It was a good weekend!

Did not drink enough water so am having more dry mouth than normal. Will work to get that fixed this week. Have not gained weight but have not lost any either! After this weekend, I found out that my strength is not where I would like it to be. But that too will be fixed some time in the future. Will continue to be active. Only way I know how to get my energy and strength back.

small steps

2009-11-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

Another week of small steps. Taste buds are better. Had a Milky Way candy bar but the real good stuff is maple nuts. Eating like there is no tomorrow but still cannot gain weight. A doctor said it will be a long time, if at all. So guess I will get pants for Christmas!

My voice is still raspy. I am about used to it. I sing deeper now. Still have tingling in my feet and hands. I can rub my head and my feet tingle. Still on blood thinner but have to be as long as my port is in. You can see exactly where the tubing runs on my chest!

My next CT scan Dec 10. I expect nothing to show up but will have these for the two plus years. I can sleep at the drop of being quiet. Need more sleep these days. And when I work alot I pay for it for a day or so. But have to keep pushing to get my strength and energy back.

Working out some, not enough though. But I am getting a little stronger each day. Work is keeping me busy at the office, especially this time of year, and that is good! Did not lose too many tax clients this year.

I am blessed through the support of all of ya'll. I am here for a reason and will let God guide me. I do admit it is hard! But trust we must with God!

I do hope everyone has a great week ahead. I know I will!

Just dealing with everyday life..

2009-10-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

Just had my port flushed. Everything from that area looks good. Went camping with Boy Scouts this weekend and while the physical exercise was good for me, I am a little tired.

I don't realize how bad my clothes fit until I put on a dress coat. It is way big. Even after eating solid for the weekend, I still weigh just 131 pounds. But overall I feel good. My feet tingle all the time and my voice is still very raspy. Had my eyes checked this last week and they are not much different than before chemo. Kind of surprised me to say the least. But that is a good thing at this point. I know I have lost some hearing. Noisy places are not for me. I cannot hear at all.

One of my ex-Boy Scouts died late this past week. Please keep the Williams in your prayers. He was 19 years old. A memorial service is being held today. That is reason for dress coat. Also my father in law had a heart attack yesterday so please keep Lucille and Frances (spouse) in your prayers.

Will try to slow down between now and the end of the year. Hopefully, I can get some energy and strength and maybe a little weight before Christmas.

I hope all had a good weekend and will have a great week. With God in our corner how can it be other than that? Good things happen when we let him into our lives everyday, even if we think it not a good thing to us. Prayer is a powerful medicine. We need to really be praying hard. Have a great week everyone.

Still alive and kicking

2009-10-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

Contrary to public opinion, I am still above ground and breathing. I have put in too much time at work so am tired and non movement on my part resulting in sleeping.

I still have not gained any weight so still weigh in at 130 pounds. I finally got what I hope the the final loose tooth chip out of my jaw last week. My jaw is still sore but according to the dentist , it is healing just fine. My feet (and fingers sometimes) are still tingling big time so according to Dr Corwin, I need to start taking vitamins. Either I am getting used to having no salva glands in my mouth or some of them are coming back as I am able to eat more without drinking. Probably a little bit of both. My mouth does not feel as cottony as it did a month ago. Had my flu shot the day after I was exposed to the flu by my grandkids. I felt like I had the flu this weekend but think it was a result of getting the flu shot. Have to take the N1F1 shot when it comes out in November.

Lucille has been great in fixing me food that will help me gain weight. Biggest problem is that when I get to office, I do not get home for lunch to eat what she has fixed. Hopefully after Oct 15, I can take a couple of hours off at noon to eat. I need to as you can count the ribs on me.
My grandkids even baked some cookies for me!

Weather was cool (cold for me) and had a fire all yesterday afternoon. So I worked on finishing a project while enjoying the warmth of the fire.

I don't think Iwill ever get over the feeling of having cancer. Every time I have a little ache or pain, I think about "what if it is cancer again?". But will trust in the Lord that he is taking care of me as he has been doing in the past. You just have to live each day to the fullest. Only God knows your timetable and there is nothing that can be done but to just live every moment you have. We take life for granted when we are healthy. But when one gets sick, it makes me think about life and where I am. If you are healthy, don't take life for granted. Live like there will be no tomorrow. Love your family and friends. Take the time to smell the roses and enjoy what you have.

Hope all of you enjoy your week. I know I will!

Recovery just takes a long time

2009-09-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a long week. Have been able to work longer hours but little nagging hurts keeps me from feeling great.

Went to the dentist yesterday to see about the loose bone chip in my jaw. Still tightly fixed into my jaw but the bone is exposed as my body is trying get rid of it. Dentist does not want to cut it out as the jaw is too fragile due to radiation. So some days it feels ok and other days, like today, feels really bad. When I chew too much, the pain gets to be too much. But I just take an extra 30 minutes to eat!

I guess I am under some stress as I have a pinched nerve in my back. Thought I had gotten rid of it but it is back today. Trying to work it out.

Not eating enough to gain necessay weight. But do not feel bad at this point. I just have to keep on eating. The worst thing about not gaining any weight is how cold I always am. It may be a cold winter. But it could be worse, so I just wear extra clothes and get on with life.

My taste buds are slowly coming back. I can tolerate some sweets (along with alot of water), but not to the point that I am eating alot of sweets.

Life is alot of ups and downs. I thank God for walking with me and carrying me when I cannot walk by myself. I could be alot worse. When I feel too sorry for myself, I just go to Allision Cancer Center and as I look around the room, I see folks in worse shape than me. So I count my blesssings and continue on living. Am going to work on another honey do this weekend. Hope all of you have a great weekend.

Another week in recovery

2009-09-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

So much for posting during the week. Have been working hard all week and still have two days until I can relax for a few days.

Went to the dentist and there is still a loose piece of bone trying to work its way out. It is slow coming out but it is coming. Hopefully this week it will fester enough to get it out. Then another minor setback will be gone. Still recovering from a throat infection. Will go back to the doctor later this week to get it checked out again.

Am eating more but not enough at this point. But will continue to eat to try and gain some weight. I don't feel bad and my energy level is picking up. And I am finally wearing clothes that actually fit so don't look too bad. If I am feeling sorry for myself, I just walk into Allison Cancer Center and immediately realize that I am doing well! But considering that, the Lord has carried me the last couple of weeks. My feet are back on the ground and am walking side by side with him again.

Life has its ups and downs. As I tell people, we have to deal with it regardless of what we are going through. It is how we deal with the downs that tells us about how deep our faith is. I know that my faith has gotten deeper these last 9 months. And I certainly hope each of you has deepen your faith. I have prayed for each of you as I know that the power of prayer is some strong medicine! The witness we give others whether we get credit or not is what we are commissioned to do. Just living life day to day is a witness to others. We do not have to interact with others to witness. May God continue to bless each of you for your support. I have about 16 more months according to the doctors before I am out of the woods but I am optimistic that it I will be cancer free. Have a great week all.

Happy Labor Day

2009-09-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I last posted and for that I am sorry. I guess I have late chemo brain as I thought I posted late last week. It has been a pretty good week although my lower left jaw has been giving me some trouble. Work has been very steady with alot of work to do and not enough energy to get it all done.

It has been a busy week with work, Scouts, grandkids, and doing one of my honey do's and a football game on Friday evening. Work has been very busy. Just have not been able to keep up the energy level. It is getting better but not where I want it. This next week will be very busy trying to meet a tax deadline. My two grandsons start pre-school this week so went to see them off and then took Hannah (along with her mom, Sarah) to get her first haircut. Hannah sat in my lap the whole time she got her haircut. When she says "Pops", it is hard to refuse her! Harrison had a birthday this week. It seems this last month has been one continous birthday day for the two boys. I did catch any infection from Hannah so I am on additional drugs to take care of a sore throat.

Adam came home this weekend and helped (or should I say I helped him) to lay a wood floor in the living room. The only thing left is to put up the trim and this will be a major project done. Still have the hall and the study to do sometime this fall. It really looks good.

My jaw is still giving me some pain. I have pulled two pieces of loose bone and I think there is one piece remaining. It hurts to chew alot and to drink cool liquids. I go to the dentist tomorrow afternoon to check the status of the other piece. Hopefully it will do alot of healing this week.

My facial hair is finally coming back. I still do not have any hair under my chin. I am still shaving my head twice a week. It just makes getting ready for work faster. However, I still get cold easily so may change my mind as the weather gets cooler. I was cold Friday night at the ball game and wished I had gloves and a heavier jacker. I will be alot more prepared for the next game.

I have gained another pound this weekend and now weight 136. It is certainly better than loosing weight at this point. Am able to eat better although I still have to drink alot of water during the meal.

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day Weekend. I did not rest as much as I probably should have but enjoyed been away from work. And enjoying the company of Lucille, Adam and Sarah and Paul and the grandkids. May God continue to bless all of us as we enter this fall season. I don't think I have time to slow down for the roses but I will make time to slow done and smell that rose. Be sure you slow down and smell that rose too. I will try and make sure I post more frequently. See ya.....

long weekend

2009-08-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hope all of you are starting the week on a good note. I went camping but we came home early which in the end was a good thing for me. Still having some jaw pain but coping with it.

Came home from the camp out to Balmorhea State Park late Saturday afternoon. There was a miscommunication with the park personnel so we came home on Saturday. Was certainly disappointed about not getting to camp out the whole weekend. But slept 14 hours Saturday night so evidently the short trip took more out of me than I thought. Did some repairs around the house on Sunday and tried to relax. Slept in too long this morning but evidently I needed it and will continue to listen to my body.

The piece of loose bone in my jaw is starting to come out. Hopefully it will in the next couple of weeks. It does affect my eating and drinking. Cold liquids really do a number on this spot. And too much talking and eating also affect the pain level. So I take the drugs when the pain gets too bad. Still at 135 pounds but not eating enough right now to gain anymore weight. But that too shall pass. One day I will be wondering how to lose weight!!

Still have dryness in my mouth so drink alot of water and coffee to keep it moist. Working outside makes it worse so have to get into keeping water handy all the time.

Have more work than hours in the day right now. So I am really getting into time management! So here I am posting instead of working! But need this to keep my mental straight!

Hope everyone has a great week. Each day gets a little better. No one said it would be easy. I lean on God to pull me through the rough spots, and he always does. The past 8 months has really deepen my faith and my witness to others!

Camping

2009-08-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday and after a long week I am going to go on a Scout camp out to Balmorhea State Park.

I have been to a couple of doctors this week with in infection to my lower jaw and cheek. It seems I have a loose piece of bone that my body is trying to get rid of. So I just have to wait for it to come to the surface. Hopefully it will happen within the next couple of weeks. I am on some mild pain killers as the pain has become intense at times.

I was at a ground breaking for a new Hope House on Wednesday and the PA at Texas Onocology just gave me an exam right there on the spot and ordered in some drugs. What a place!!! Then proceeded to see two dentists.

Eating has been somewhat of a chore this week as the more I chew, the more my mouth hurts. But just put some numbing cream on the spots and try to eat through the pain.

I have not accomplished everything I wanted to this week but am working towards getting there. My energy level is up some but still have to watch and make sure I don't get overextended.

I ask for continual prayers for Kohen Subia - the two year old boy who had a kidney and part of his liver removed and is going through chemo and radiation. I know what I went through so can I can just imagine what he is going through and not being able to tell anyone!

Recovery is slow. I tire way to easy and so I am trying to take it slow. It is hard but I am getting better. I weigh 135 pounds. My feet still tingle but I just keep going. There could be worse things going on with me. I get up each day and thank the Lord for another day. It's all I can ask. Have a great weekend everyone. Steve

Another week gone

2009-08-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a good week. We met with the chemo doctor and the results of the PET scan were great. Nothing was found on the cross section. So visits with three doctors have resulted in good reports from all. Only issue I have at this point in my recovery is my feet still tingle and my fingers sometimes tingle. My neck is still recovering. Every time I wear a collared shirt, I irrate my neck again. I continue to put medicine and cream on it. Just have to be patience. My jaw is causing me some pain. Was told by the doctor that it is common and have to take some medicine for it if the pain gets too bad.

I have gained another pound this week and now weigh a 135 pounds. Still look like a skinny guy but what a waist!! And no stomach!

Meals have been steack, hamburger patty, pasta, mexican food, oatmeal, eggs, biscuit and gravy. Ate a couple of cookes today with a glass of water. Water is a main staple in my meals as of now. But at least I am eating, and drinking and staying hydrated. I have tried to not work too much this week but we had a sidewalk sale the last two days so the hours have been kinda long. Will sleep and rest alot tomorrow.

Our grandsons are spending ghe night with us this evening. It was their idea. It's neat that they want to stay the night. Of course, their mom and dad just live about 2 minutes from here!

I am tried this evening and will sleep well tonight, even with grandsons in another room! Have a full week next week so have to make sure I go into it with lots of energy. And of course, I will be depending on God and the many prayers offered up to him for my continued healing and getting stronger. I am getting stronger every day and getting more energy to make it through the day. God has been good to us and we thank him on a daily basis for his strength. Later all...

An uneventful few days

2009-08-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Worked about 5 hours a day from Tuesday thru Thursday and then a full day on Friday. Saturday was spent working at the kids house painting. Today will work on the cook wagon for Scouts and celebrate Walker's birthday (grandson).

Biggest problem is still trying to gain some weight. Breakfast is the hardest at this point since bread still does not go well. Breakfast bars are about the same as bread. Lunch this last week has been hot links and hot dogs. Had Chinese food a couple of days for supper so I don''t think the weight gain has increased. I haven't lost any weight, just no gain. So for that I am happy. For someone who was only eating 2 meals a day to having to eat 3 meals with alot of calories, it has been a chore.

My throat dries out quickly if I don't drink water constantly. I worked in the yard about 30 minutes last night and my mouth was so dry it took about an hour for it to get moist again. Have to pay more attention to myself when I am working outside and stop more frequently to drink. I now drink an occasional sprite along with water and coffee. But very little ice. For some reason the real cold does not do well in my mouth.

I can tell my immune system is not up to speed as I have a strawberry on my elbow that refuses to heal, even with medicine on it. Did not do Scout trip this weekend as a result of that. My body is getting better but not as fast as I would like. Did I ever say patience is not one of the things I'm good at?

All in all, I am pleased with my progress at this point. I know that the recovery will take time and that the more I rest, the quicker I can recover. So I am trying to mix the two together. When I sit for very long, I sleep. I try to make the most of my time while I am awake, whether it is work, visiting or playing. hmmm somewhere in there I should be eating!

God has been good to Lucille and me. And I know that it is the prayers that have been given on my behalf that has resulted in my treatment and recovery progress. And I continue to thank God for each of you for your support. I hope each of you has received a blessing this past week. Every day I get one when I look back on the day. It may be feeling better, being able to lift more weight, being able to work longer, my mind clearing up, being able to help someone in need, or just plain old doing a good turn for someone. Oh, and stopping to smell the roses. We should all be thankful in that if you look around, there is always someone who has it rougher than you and me. And that is a blessing in itself. Have a great Sunday.

Another doctor visit

2009-08-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I worked too many hours last Thursday and Friday and spent the weekend recovering. Slept til 10:30 Saturday morning and then messed around house all day. Sunday I had an Eagle Court of Honor for two of the boys in my Boy Scout Troop.

So yesterday and today, I took it a little easier at the office. Went to Dr V Patel this morning. This is the doctor that found the cancer to start with. He did another scope down my throat and I got to see it on tv while he was holding my tongue out. He did not see anything and said the next 18 months would be the most critical for cancer. He also said I did better then 95% of his patients as far as how I was doing at this point. So all in all, it has been a good day. Another doctor visit and another good report. The big one will be the chemo doctor a week from Thursday.

I still weigh 134 pounds. It is hard to eat enough to gain! But I am not losing and that's good. So will keep working on putting on a few more pounds. I am working out more and that is helping my endurance. I trust that God will bless me as I need to be in regaining my strength. I just have to be patient.

A lady I know from Scouts has a grandson that is two years old and he has cancer. He has already lost a kidney. I am asking you for a special prayer for this young man and his family. He starts chemo and radiation shortly. It will take alot of faith for this family and alot of support.

God grants us many opportunities for us to display our true faith. I know my faith has increased tremendously and I have been blessed as a result. I know he has blessed each of you for your support and prayers. It is amazing what prayer will do!

I'll keep you posted with my progress.

IT'S GONE... IT'S GONE !!!!!

2009-08-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

Went to Dr Corwin's office and the PET scan to get the initial results. He proceeded to show Lucille and me the initial PET scan and the scan they just finished. Turns out I have 4 lymph nodes that had cancer and the cancer on my throat was much bigger than we thought. But the newest scan showed NOTHING! Yes, it showed there was no cancer anywhere in my body. The doctor was even surprised as he had forewarned us that a test this early will show hot spots and that the real test would be in 3 months. He was as pleased as were we. While they will review the cross section of the PET scan, I do not think they will find anything.

It was like a big weight just lifted off my shoulders when we looked at the scans. I did not realize that I was as worried about the test as I guess I was.

And I believe that the prayers offered by all of you across this world had a tremedous effect. I truly believe God heard these prayers and made sure the cancer was gone. The support has been wonderful and has kept me going all these months. And knowing that God would carry me when I couldn't or wouldn't walk myself. And I can assure you I had those days when I wondered if I could continue.

So here I am the first of August without cancer growing. I got up this morning and did a limited workout and will continue to try and get my strength back. I weigh 134 pounds and will start eating regular items. I would like to weigh between 145 and 155. But I don't care if it takes months to get there. As long as I have the energy and endurance to do what I have and want to do, then weight is not an issue.

Right now I am hoping to be able to work 40 hours a week by the end of the month. Have to earn a living, but life is about smelling the roses and I intend to do more of that in the future. I do not know how long my life will be from this point forward so will use it to smell lots of roses. Later gang and thanks again for your support and prayers......

Start of new week in recovery

2009-08-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

Good morning all. Well, the weekend was in that I gained another pound and now weigh 134 pounds. I did however, fall off a ladder yesterday while doing some work for my daughter. Just a strawberry bruise on my elbow and head. But everything is good now. It is sooooo nice to be done with the feeding tube. I will have a permanent reminder of the tube in that there will be a nice quarter inch hole at the top part of my stomach. But it served its purpose and is a small price to pay. Looks kinda like a belly button that is misplaced. The numbness in toes and fingers are getting better as is my tongue. Just keep on going as it will take some time to get over that. At least that is what I'm told. Found out that my rash on neck and now ankles is most likely due to some bath wash I started using. Will stop using it. While my neck still itches, it looks better already. Hopefully by the end of the week, it will be gone.

Went to an outdoor concert at Museum of the Southwest to listen to my son-in-law play last night. A beautiful evening and enough of a breeze to keep the bugs away.

Am basicly back to water drinking as it seems all other liquids seem to dry out my mouth. Drinking alot of water to keep my mouth moist. But that is a good thing. Keeps me hydrated! Had pancakes this morning. Had pasta Friday night and pizza on Saturday. Anything is possible with water. Have not tried a hamburger yet. Too much bread.

Did finish a couple of projects this weekend around home. Will continue to work on list that has piled up over the last seven months. Even helping Paul and Sarah get some stuff done at their new home. Plan on working a little more this week. Slept good last night but was really tired. I probably worked too much this weekend and not enough rest. Will try to curb the work some this week to make sure I stay rested.

Have the PET scan tomorrow and wait another week for the initial result of the CT/PET scan. Then will have another scan in a couple of months. It is all about recovery and getting back to normal, as normal as one can get. Every time my ear hurts or my throat hurts I think about cancer. Guess it will always be with me from now on. Just have to trust in God and the doctors that all is ok!

I hope everyone has a great week. The rain is over and hot weather suppose to set in for the balance of the week. The rain was great but now things will dry out some. Thanks for your continued support and prayers. Have to admit that I am somewhat anixous about these scans. But I also know that I feel good and at this point the doctors feel good about the results of the treatments. It is all about faith. Faith in God, and faith in yourself (attitude). Thanks to you all for your support. Later gang...

The tube is gone!!!!

2009-07-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days since I have been on. Sorry about that. Had a semi rough day on Wednesday. I think it was I was pressing too much at work. So made sure I slept more and am feeling pretty good today. But the most exciting thing is that in the manner of a couple of seconds my feeding tube was gone. We had heard alot of different things that were used to get the tube out and Dr Patel did not use any of them. HE said "take a deep breath" and before I could take a breath, the tube was out. The bottom of the tube is the size of a quarter but only a 1/2 balloon. Some blood squirted out as he pulled it out! Then he just put gauze on the 1/4 inch hole and taped me up. He said the stomach will repair itself within 2 hours and that within six hours everything will be scabed over. And he was right! It feels so good having it gone. I will relax and let it heal over the weekend and that will be one more object gone from my body. The only hurt is when i stretch, the scab breaks apart a little but that's it. The doctor said after six hours they have to make a new hole if it needs to be replaced.

Am having a little reflux problem this week but that too is getting better. Again I have to make myself slow down and take it easy. And my body certainly will let me know! Am having some rash on the sides of my neck but think it is a result of starch shirts so will wear polo shirts for awhile to fix that problem. Such a minor problem as compared to not been able to eat anything!

Had a CT scan on Thursday and will have a PET scan next Tuesday and the results will be the following week. But I feel good and my throat gets better every day. I am adjusting more to no salvia in my mouth as I understand that won't change much. So I drink more water. hmmm Seems I have to do that anyway!

Have gained another pound so weight 133 pounds with my 31" waist. I brag now as this won't last. Can't afford a new wardrobe so have to have to gain weight and a couple of inches in the waist.

So it is just trying to get back to normal both at home and at the office. It is slow, but thats ok. As long as the good days outnumbered that bad, I will take it! And I have all of you to thank for this as I believe that God has truly answered all the prayers. Hope everyone has a great weekend! Later guys....

The tube is gone!!

2009-07-31T15:07:00.000-07:00

Start of week of alot of improvement

2009-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

I am still not sleeping all night so am tired at the end of this day. But I feel better each day and that is the main thing at this point. I talked to a Mary Collier (Hope House) and she said this would really be a good week. It will be a good week if for no other reason that I get the PEG out tomorrow. I am more than ready. Tonight I had corn on the cob. The taste was great! Even had a Popsicle after supper.

My endurance is a little better after this weekend. I worked for about 5 hours and slept for about an hour this afternoon. While I am tired, it is a good tired. The weight gain of 3 pounds this last week has made a difference, so a few more pounds should make alot of difference in my energy and endurance later this week.

I talked to Mary Collier alot about Allison Cancer Center and its wonderful staff today. I think they have made so much difference in my treatment. I am much better off as a result of staying in Midland. Staying as local as possible is so good in that, besides the quality health care, my support group in Midland has enabled me to have someone to lean against as well as being able to visit and being able to sleep in my own bed and rest in my own home. I am truly blessed by all my friends both in Midland and outside of Midland around the country and the world. As before I don't think I could have made it without all the prayers and support from ya'll. I know Lucille feels the same way. There are not enough thanks you in the world to express our gratitude!

Another week to recovery

2009-07-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

It's Friday evening and getting ready to go to bed. Had what I think will be my last hydration this morning. Lunch with ET. Worked a couple of hours and then painted for three hours. And then came home and relaxed. Had oatmeal for breakfast, chili rellano for lunch and homemade chicken enchiladas for supper with some dutch chocolate ice cream. Everything was good except the ice cream. The taste was not there but enjoyed the coolness on my throat. But all in all I've had a good week of meals. I think I have put on 3 plounds this week so am about 131 pounds tonight.

My energy level gets better every day as does my endurance. So hopefully I will not overwork myself this weekend (that won't happen with Lucille and Sarah around!). And get more strength and energy this weekend. My feet and fingers still tingle but just keep working through that. Hopefully it will go away in the months ahead. I certainly don't intend to give in to it! If my sweet tooth would come back somewhat I would be happy. But my taste buds are coming back pretty quick I think. The tip of my tongue is not as numb as it once was.

I have three special requests fopr ya'll. One is my father in law who has congested heart failure. Please keep Jim and Frances in your prayers as they go through this time in their lives. And also keep Jim Adams and his lovely wife Terry in your prayers as he is recovering from heart surgery. And the last is for Randy Auburg. He is having a tough time for the last week of radiation and then a couple of weeks (like me) to get over the major side effects he is having. He also has throat cancer and is at MD Anderson. Nothing against MD Anderson but I am really glad we stayed in Midland. My treatment and caregivers have been excellent and they take what we have to say to heart and then try to make sure that I was as comfortable as I could be in going through these tough chemo and radiation treatments.

I hope everyone has a great weekend as I plan on it. Every day is a little better than before. I just plan on taking each day at a time. If I can work more then I will, but is I can't then I will come home and take a nap and rest. This is a busy time of year but that is the approach I am taking. And it is becasue of your prayers and support. This nation was founded on God and I believe with all my heart he is still here. I am still here as he has a purpose for me. Otherwise I would be leading something not on this earth! ( a joke people!) Prayer is a powerful ally and I think God has listened to each of you. I know that it is an extra mark in the Book of Life. I don't know if I have found the silver lining in this cloud but I will continue to seek it and continue to do what I can to help others. It truly makes me feel peace within myself when I help other people (regardless of whether they have cancer or not). Maybe that is my silver lining. The slowing down of life, helping more people (whether they know it or not), the witnessing to folks. And you know what - the roses smell really good! Nite all...

What a blessed rain today..

2009-07-22T11:30:00.001-07:00

It is Wendesday afternoon and feeling somewhat tired after working a few hours but otherwise doing very well today.

Still only sleeping about 4 good hours a night but I'll take what I can get.

Had good meals yesterday. BBQ for lunch and lazanua for supper and a late night snack of popcorn and sprite. My taste buds are coming back quicker than I thought and able to eat through some of the bitter taste now. Still not eating much bread but drinking lots of water. I think the hyrdation is really helping to keep my water level high. It's just one less thing my body doesn't have to worry about. Had cheese toast this morning and it was really dry but ate about 3/4 of it. But will have a good lunch and supper. Am up to a cup of coffee in the morning and about a half of cup at night. Tea doesn't taste good at this point but water is what I normally drink anyway.

I shave my head twice a week now and my beard is a moustache and a few whiskers on my chin. But hair is coming back alot quicker than I thought. But it is all white now!

It has rained all morning. It really has cooled everything off and everything smells so good. I won't have any trouble taking a nap this afternoon. Every morning I feel better. It's all I can ask for. That each day is better than the last. My throat is responding better everyday which is allowing me to eat anything I thing about trying.

People may not believe in the power of prayer but not me. I am where I am today as a result of God's blessing through your prayers. And for that I am extremely thankful to everyone. Later guys.

work, rest, work rest...

2009-07-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday to everyone!

I have had a pretty successful weekend. Have gained 2 pounds so I am back to 130 pounds. Breakfast has been eggs, biscuits, gravy and sausage. Had steak one night, and last night was potato soup, cottage cheese. The good side is that I am eating a full meal pretty much. Still can't eat breads as it takes too much moisture out of my mouth. And I have learned to drink lots of water during meal time. And no ice cream yet.

The only major side effect I am having at this point is the tingleness in my toes and fingers. I understand that is from cysplatin. But will work through that. My energy level hasn't gotten any stronger but will keep working at doing a little and resting. It will build up over time. My mind says to get busy but my body says not so fast! So until the two of them get together, I will continue to to work and rest.

Last night we went to theatre. It marks the first time I have really been in public since Feb 4. It was kinda strange to say the least. But it is one more step to getting back to normal.

I am excited about getting rid of the feeding tube this week. I have not used it in a week now and with eating pretty much what I am willing to try, I will not be needing it any more. One more device that will not be protruding out of me! But while I needed it, I am glad it was there.

Will get hydrated a couple of times this week just to be safe. I think it has helped in my recovery efforts. By the end of July I shouldn't be doing hydration anymore.

Thank you for your continued prayers and cards. They are so uplifting. I know lots of people are reading this blog and I sincerely hope it is doing as much good for ya'll as it is for me. I would have never posted without Lucille encouraging me. It has been good for me. I hope God is blessing each of you this blessed Sunday.

Another day - another day of getting well

2009-07-16T16:05:00.001-07:00

It's Thursday afternoon. I worked for a few hours today and came home to rest. Could not sleep but resting. Surely that counts for something! Worked in the yard a couple of hours yesterday afternoon and hit the old brick wall around 8 last night. I get about 4 hours of good sleep every night now. The other sleep is semi-sleep. But at least it is sleeping.

My throat gets better every day. Tried to eat some Mexican food last night but it just wasn't to be. Will try again next week. Had a big bowl of potato soup for lunch today and it was great. A little spicy which probably helped my taste buds. Still have not used my feeding tube this week. Will be looking to have it removed next week if I don't use it this week. My grandkids will be disappointed as that it is the first thing they want to see every time I see them. The tube has been a life saver for me and allowed me to be able to stay home instead of the hospital.

The care I have received at Allison Cancer Center has been fantastic. They are truly concerned about your well being and care and hurts. They do everything they can to make treatments as pleasant as possible. I can't say enough good things about those folks.

Each day gets better as my throat continues to heal. My taste buds seem to responding well although chocolate is still not in the cards. But that to will come to pass. Biggest problem I have at the moment is keeping my food moist enough to eat. And that too will resolve itself somewhat. A small price to pay when considering the alternative.

My honey do list is still long but will start working on it soon. I hope to be in the office every day next week getting my work caught up. Not all day but at least 20 hours next week. Rest is still the key to recovery so have to learn to pace myself.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support. The outpouring of God's love is felt in this house every day as a result of your kindness. Talk again tomorrow....

One giant step

2009-07-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Evening everyone..

What started out not too hot ended up pretty good. Got up, had the dry heaves and then had hydration. Spent 4 hours at the clinic. Fed myself thru the tube this morning. But after getting home, I had a hot dog, mustard and a cheese stick for lunch. But for supper Lucille fixed meatloaf, potatoe soup and peas. And I cleaned the plate along with a glass of water. No tube tonight! Am looking forward to each day getting better. Will do hydration 2 more times this week. RIght now will call if I need help. But if continue to eat and improve my drinking, then I think I might very well be over the hump. Im'm sure my clients would like that!

It's amazing what 24 hours can do right now. My attitude is better this evening, my stomach feels good with real food in it. I will work a few hours tomorrow and Thursday. Don't want to get too stretched out. But with God's help, everything is looking up. I'm two weeks out from chemo, so the chemo effects sould be about gone and Thursday is two weeks from last radiation treatment so those effects should about be worn off.

Started lifting some 10# weights for my skinny arms. Nothing serious just want to get my strength back but will do it gradually. While I am looking for weight gain now, I want it to be good weight so we will start eating a little more healthy.

Thanks for the support and continued prayers. Still have about 3 months to really determine if this bad boy is gone (although I think it is). But plan on recovering just like it is gone. So we will be enjoying the next several months. Without this support group, this kind of ordeal would be extremely difficult. I always thought I was a tough guy, but this has proved me wrong! Without God and you, it would have been so difficult. Thanks again..

Try to stay cool. Lots of honey dos around this house so the next couple of months will be trying to finish up alot of those jobs.

1 week from radiation

2009-07-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Evening everyone.

Well, not off the feeding tube yet, but working on it slowly. Am working on spicy stuff to trick the taste buds (I guess trick my brain) into thinking it is good. It has occurred to me today that I am having to learn to chew differently since I have not really eaten any solid food since I lost my teeth.

This morning was gravy, 1/2 biscuit and sausage. The afternoon snack was some hot wings (really hot!). Under normal conditions only ET and Mark would be eating them. Needless to say I did not eat but a couple. I think my stomach is wondering what is going on all of a sudden by the different food dropping in. Lucille is fixing salmon tonight or tomorrow. It was a good meal when she has fixed before. Drinking is getting easier although not where I can gulp a 1/2 glass yet.

The other adjustment is no saliva glands to help keep the food wet, so have to drink more than I would normally during eating. So just have to relearn to eat so am hoping this next week will bring good results. So far, the throat is doing great. I can still feel a little rough edges but I think it is healing nicely. So by the end of the week, I think that issue will be pretty much gone.

I have dropped another 5 pounds which does concern me but the only way to stop is eat more. I think it is because I am so tired of sitting and am moving around more. But I figure if I don't get to moving more then I will not get any energy or endurance back. But I also know when to say stop and rest! So that is what I am doing.

Each day is truly better tan the day before when I step back and look at each. A small step is great at this point. An improvement to see that I am recovering and while it will be slow, the recovery is coming!

Life is all about choices and my choice at this point is taking what God has given me and putting it to use. And that is life itself. Not sure the number of days left, but think it will be many and if I can have the effect that Jim and Terri Adams have on lives, I will feel truly blessed.

Have a great evening everyone..

Another day of healing.

2009-07-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

Evening gang..

Not doing too bad today.My throat is getting better but not able to take more than a sip at a time. But patience is the key word here. SO I feed the tube, try drinking as much as I can when awake and get hydrated every other day. Will do the same next week.

I worked for a couple of hours today and will continue to try and do so so build up endurance. But I also slept this afternoon and as of now will not have any trouble sleeping tonight. I think this part is as tough as taking the treatments as you want so badly to feel better and it is all up to your body to get the healing done. So in that regard it is kind of frustrating, but this too shall pass.

I've had many comments on my neck so have posted the look of it today. It has healed very well. The cream the doctor gave me has done wonders. It's still a little tender but doing great.

The other pic is stuff I am feeding myself with. Lucille uses whole mile and cream to get the calories up to 850 per ounces. It is so much better than Ensure and I think the cost is not different. But alot less feeding to accomplish the same result. But I look forward to getting off it and back to food. I have all these free meals when I can start eating the big stuff. After all, I don't want to waste their money!!

Sent my Philmont boys and adults off today for their 12 day backpack trip. But just able to do it. Maybe in a couple of years. If up to it, I will go up on July 21 to see them come off the trail.

You just don't know how I pray for each of you for the blessings that God has put on my treatment and healing. You guys are the greatest support one could hope for. I have run out of words thanking you but my heart can't thank you enough! See ya later.

Working through phase 1

2009-07-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

No hydration today. Will decide about Thursday later tonight. Got up feeling pretty good. Drank throughout the morning, worked for a couple of hours at shop and have rested and slept and drank this afternoon. Had to take stomach medicine this afternoon. But the good news is my swallowing is much improved today. I can't eat yet but drinking is becoming easier. At least I am able to swallow my pills.

So will continue this routine the rest of the week, Hydration tomorrow, work a little and sleep and rest and drink. Every day away from treatment is better. I may not totally feel like it but the body has to do its business of healing and I have to give it the time. So all my caregivers are making sure I keep to the straight and narrow so it will heal faster. And they are right. Hard for me to do, but they are right.

My Philmont group leaves this Thursday for 11 days of backpacking. Not way I can go but I will think of them each day while they are out. By the time they get back I should be much improved. Not enough to backpack but enough to get back to a more normal life style.

My hair is coming back so will be back to shaving every day in a couple of weeks. Still going to leave my head bald for the summer, at least.

Thank you for your continued support. When treatment is over, one thinks (at least I did) that everything would be alot better. Not so with cancer. The body has too much of its own healing to do. So the next 10 days are pretty critical to my getting healthy again. So will take it easy and rest. God Bless each of you this day.

Recovery = phase 1

2009-07-06T20:10:00.001-07:00

Well, what I thought would be nothing but blue skies ahead has not been that! I spent the weekend throwing up as I could not stay hydrated even with the tube.My throat would not cooperate as I could barely swallow. So I spent most of the weekend sleeping, throwing up and trying to keep liquids down.

So at 8:30am this morning I was back at Allison undergoing hydration again. Will do it several times this week to give my throat time to heal so I can start drinking and eating. I was told this morning that July 17 is the date I will start feeling good again and being able to eat and drink. So I will be seeing the wonderful people at Allison helping me stay hydrated until my throat starts to heal up. Just a minor setback. Not one I was really expecting. As Lucille and I looked back, I should just now be starting the recovery process from the last of the chemo process and who knows about radiation. So will focus on trying to stay hydrated, keeping a positive attitude and getting healed.

So right now I am looking at a two phase recovery. The initial recovery is until I am able to eat and drink without a tube. The second phase will be the full recovery of getting back to a normal routine, gaining weight, and helping others.

God doesn't let more happen to us than we can bear. And today more than ever, I believe that I am here because his has additional chores for me to do. You can't out give God. You can just hope we measure up to what he knows we can do. Have we all done our part glorifying God today?

What a final day!

2009-07-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

Good morning all..

Got up as normal yesterday thinking that I would just take radiation and a little hydration and things would be great for the day. The radiation went well, received a gift from the radiation department and my mask. I knew that I had to do recovery time but felt so much better mentally knowing that I had endured 8 weeks of radiation. I will tell you there were times that if not for God carrying me I would have made it! But I am here today that I was feeling pretty good.

Went to chemo doctor and was told that a couple of blood counts were done. Little did I realize that the 2 hour treatment that I have done all week would now become a 5 hour treatment. I was the last patient left in the chemo room yesterday. It was not what I had anticipated for this day.

And then as Adam was driving me down the street home, I saw all the signs and cards and family standing in front of the house. Needless to say, whatever I was feeling at that moment from the last day of treatment went away and turned to tears as I started reading the cards and posters from everyone. Adam and Sarah had put this together behind my back and it was just what I needed when I got home. The pictures above are just a few of what awaited me. I'll post a few more later.

The day being done, the final treatment being done. They can't do anymore. I've had maximum chemo and maximum radiation for this bad boy. And I truly believe it is gone. This cancer just wanted to take a final stab at me this day because it knew it did not win this battle. So as the day came to a close, my mental state is much better and I am ready for the recovery period. For getting back into the saddle, for finishing projects, for getting back to a normal schedule. But most of all, I am ready to eat. I am supposed to be able to eat most solids in about 10 days. But I am pumped knowing that this part if finished and that Lucille and I are ready to move to the next phase.

The support of each of you who have prayed, sent cards, emails, or just read this blog have given us the strength to see this through. There are many thank yous to hand out and I am sure I will miss some, but know that I have said a special prayer for each and everyone one of you.

And then there was the special note from from Randy Auburg. He is a cancer survivor and is going through treatments. His notes and comments from his blogspot were so heart felt. There couldn't be enough medicine to keep the tears from flowing. Our prayers will be with Randy and his wonderful family as he continues radiation at MD Anderson.

A special thank you goes out to Region 18 - where Lucille works. The support of the staff through prayers, words, cards and especially help with her work schedule was such a blessing not only to her but to me. It has meant so much that Lucille was able to spend the time necessary taking care of me and I truly appreciate all of you for helping Lucille and me.

As we go into the July 4th weekend, it will always be a more special date for me. And thanks to you and to God, I am able to continue on helping others. Later gang....

The final treatment awaits me!!

2009-07-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

Did not sleep particularly well last night. Was pretty restless and am sure that I kept Lucille up alot of the night with my coughs. But had my next to last day of radiation and did hydration this am. Tomorrow I get to take my mask home where I will hang it in my office as a reminder of the events of the last few months. I'm sure it will be quite a conversation piece!

Am feeling pretty good right now. The real test will be this weekend and staying hydrated myself. But hopefully I can start on soft diet this weekend and getting back to eating real food within the next couple of weeks. I know how my grandson feels when he had one thing to eat and his body wanted something else. The same is happening to me. I will not miss the MusL Blast at all. But it has probably kept me out of the hospital for the last several weeks. So for that I am thankful.

Lots of new patients in the chemo room today. One lady was stuck six times this morning as she was terrified of the port. So on my way I stopped and comforted her and to let her know that this port will make life alot easier. Today was her first day of treatment. And if these nurses can't get a good stick then no one can.

I still don't know my silver lining but will trust it will come in God's good time. All I know is that the wonderful people I have meet over the last 4 1/2 months plus all the wonderful support from ya'll that this would not have been possible.

I am off morphine now, my neck looks good. I get basicly 2 months to recover before any tests - a CT and PET scan. It would be great to be on the lake or BBQ with friends this weekend but will stay at home and relax and recover. I look forward to taking less drugs and being able to lay flat on the bed. To wear normal clothes again and not look like I can't find the right pants to wear!

See ya tomorrow!!

And then there were 2 left

2009-06-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

Slept fitfully last night but made up for this morning by sleeping 3 hours while I was being hydrated again. Had another day of radiation. Still on go for recovery starting July 3. The days seem to be dragging at this point as I wait for the final two treatments and doctors appointments. It will be long time before I stop going to Allison Cancer Center but the trips will just slow down. I still have a CT and PET scan sometime in the near future, and get this PEG tube removed. I look forward to start trying food again next week and trying to get back up to speed energy wise. The main thing is not to try and get it all done in a week! (Who me?)

I have a couple of other little issues I will try and get resolved this week and then all systems are go for recovery. The people at Allison are a wonderful and caring group of people. Their passion for help goes beyond what they have to do for a job. And while I will not miss the treatments I will miss the people who have treated me. There cannot be enough thank yous given to these folks for their outstanding devotion. And I can say the same thing about the oncology unit at MMH. These people are dedicated to helping people with cancer, and I will never forget them.

I was listening to a young man talk to a new patient this morning. The goods and bads of his chemo treatment. And it made me think of my treatments and thoughts and highs and lows since it began on Feb 24.

Today I am a cancer survivor, and on Thursday I will be a cancer survivor in recovery. It has been a long time for me. I am ready to start on the next phase.

Tis Monday

2009-06-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

It has been a long weekend! The dry heaves have overtaken me this weekend leaving me in a collapsed heap! But got dehydrated this morning and feel better. Will sleep more this afternoon in hopes of getting some energy back. Will have re hydration thru Thursday this week. Hopefully there will be no more chemo, just the 3 remaining radiations.

The doctor said that he was giving up a special prayer for this week. He evidently knew something I didn't. I thought it would be an ok week once chemo was out of the way and on 15 minutes a day of radiation. But so far it has been the worst week yet!

It takes longer for me to swallow now. Have to constantly drink water and some coffee to try and keep my mouth moist. Speaking more than a couple of minutes is really tough. So I don't talk as much and certainly can't yell! All I can do is whisper.

I think Friday evening, I had some salmon. And while the strong taste was not there like before at least there was some taste. But that was the lull before the storm.

But three more days of treatment and the healing can start. My neck looks great and is pretty much healed. By the end of the week, that part of this ordeal should be over.

As I sat in the waiting room today, I looked around and saw new faces. People who have cancer fixing to start their treatment process. And it made me think of the chain of events from Feb 4 til today. It has reared its ugly head. Just as one gets cured another starts. I am saying a special prayer for all those new folks who are fixing to go through their treatment. Some will be ok, others will be bad. We all react differently even from week to week. You watch tv, people doing normal things, people eating, running, enjoying life. And that is the hope of those of us that has cancer has to hang onto. That we will too be enjoying life again!

Later gang....

Truly one week left

2009-06-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

I had radiation at 7am and hydration at 1pm. Am pretty tired this afternoon. Did not sleep well last night. My pillow keep moving all night and could never get it settled. But the good news is I drank most all night so kept my mouth moist.

Did not sleep much today either. Tired but was not able to sustain any long periods so maybe tonight will be better. Will be in bed early tonight fighting my pillow!

Next week will be radiation thru Thursday and most possible hydration will be everyday thru Thursday and than hydration some the next week. Hopefully to help get over the chemo quicker in getting it out of my system. Can drink water and warm coffee. Can eat soft much but nothing has taste so no desire to eat. Week after next that has to change. But expect another week before truly being able to eat another that has some taste.

So while it may not be a posting every day I will continue to post for awhile. I want everyone to know when I truly have gotten back to a "normal" state for a cancer survivor!

Tomorrow and Sunday should be the bad days for the chemo treatment. So will stand on morphine and the other drugs I'm on. I will not miss the upset stomach at all!!

God keeps opening doors when you least expect them. We just have to listen and be patience with him. It's his schedule not ours.

My neck is much better this day and hopefully will continue to get better as this next week unfolds. This is due in part of the lotion, in part to the 15 minutes of radiation instead of 30 minutes of radiation and the boost in radiation (the decrease in the size being treated). I still get cold at night and sleep in a hat. Bet it will be next summer before that part goes away!

My voice fades in and out and after about 15 minutes, it is gone for awhile. My hearing has finally started fading but hopefully it will pick back up after this is all done. As hopefully my eyesight will. Lots of ifs, but the best part is still above ground and breathing.

Nite all...

just notes

2009-06-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday morning and after a pretty sleepless night, I feel pretty good this am. Am going to work for a little while today but will plan on spending time in the chair this afternoon. Yesterday I went into chemo lab for hydration and that has helped me today. Tomorrow will be chemo day, probably most all day. But due to the fact that my last chemo day is a week from tomorrow, then my last chemo may be tomorrow. Weight is up to 139 pounds this morning.

My mouth is getting drier but I can still swallow water and a little coffee. But looking forward to start trying food late next week. My goal is to get back to food as quickly as possible although I think it will take 10 days to 2 weeks to get there and that will depend on taste buds.

Six more days of radiation. Still have a little anxiety about if all this will work but have to just have faith in God and the doctors that it will. Have to have a little patience here.

I am still tired and like to sleep, and will but think too much sleep is keeping me from recovery as fast as I want so will be trying to do a little more activity around the house to get my energy level back up.

I cannot say enough about the folks at Texas Oncology. They have fantastic this whole time and especially these last eight weeks. If you want to give to some, the Hope House is a great place to start. Mary Collier is a great and compassionate lady that does wonders here. In fact, they are now building a new facility adjacent to the old one. It's a facility I am sorry to be build but it is a facility that needs to be built with the rise in cancer.

My friend Jim is back in Midland and so thankful his recovery is going well. I continue to think of my boys at summer camp this week.

And those who are in the middle at chemo and or radiation, know that is does end. And while it gets tough, the finish line is what it's about. Know that there is a finish line. Perservance, prayer and support and God will get all of us there, whether we are the victum or the supporter. I hope everyone has a blessed day from God today.

July 2 is graduation day!

2009-06-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Weekend was kinda long. Did not feel too good so just slept and rested. My father's day present was some solar outdoor lights. They are pretty neat. Adds alot of soft lightly to the front and back of the house.

My burns seem to be getting worse but tech today said mine were better than alot others he has seen so will continue radiation. Was informed that July 2 is the final day! So only 8 more days to go. Will have a final boost starting tomorrow. The end of this treatment is in sight! A few weeks ago I did not think I would make it to the end. And the end is in sight. Thanks to all of you and my family. God does not let us endure more than we can handle and I think that is what is happening now. The recovery road will take awhile but hopefully my body is up for the task.

Will take it easy today and work some tomorrow. My boys are at summer camp this week. Sent them off yesterday morning. They will have fun.

Talk to ya'll later.

Another day down - another day closer to finishing

2009-06-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

What a blessed night and day of rain. We got 1 1/2" here at the house. Spent part of the day getting my Boy Scouts ready for summer camp. This will be the first year in 25 years that I have missed summer camp. Spent most of the afternoon with one of my Eagle Scouts - Ben Kennady. It is so refreshing to see them grow into responsible young men. I'm not even holding it against Ben for going to A & M!

Slept pretty well last night and plan on sleeping in again tomorrow but going to see the boys off to summer camp. Looking at my neck makes one think that I need to scrap off this stuff bu I am supposed to leave all the scabbing on and it will gradually come off as the neck heals from the inside out. I have gained 3 pounds through last night so this is a good thing. The bottom has stopped and over the next couple of weeks I will gain some of this weight back. And when it is over it is back to healthy foods! And some not so healthy foods!

The morphine seems to have really helped with the neck pain as well as with the stomach. At this point the neck is giving me the biggest problems. But have another day of recovery before going back for another week of radiation. The pictures below are what the neck looks like today. They are pretty bad so be aware before you look at them!

Silly me!

2009-06-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I've a pretty good two days but tonight I am starting to feel the stomach issues come back. How soon I forget about the bad days when the good ones arrive, even if short lived. But am rapidly approaching the two weeks left mark.

Had radiation at 7am this morning, came home and took my morphiene and proceeded to fall asleep for about an 1 1/2 hours. Went to work for about an hour and then spent part of afternoon at kids new home.Ran out of gas around 3 so came home and tried to sleep. But was too wired so just rested. Maybe it was the morphine. And then at 8pm I took another morphine and fitfully slept for about an hour.

I really thought the morphine would really lessen the stomach issues but still have to take the other pills. As Lucille will tell you, I hate to take pills so she has to constantly remind me. Good thing she is around!!

I am feeling better now that Lucille found my new meals. For 4 oz of this diet I get 855 calories. So for three feedings a day I am over the minimum again. So hopefully the weight loss will stabilize over the next couple of weeks. I sit and dream of eating real food again and even tried hot wings tonight but alas, it was to no avail. But soon I will be eating the juicy burger Michael promised me from the first time he heard I had cancer.

Tomorrow will be the last one this week so with the weekend to recover. Was told today that I will have only one more boost. Radiation is radiation. Happens everyday regardless of how much they do. I spend the same amount of time at this point as I did before this boost. It is just more concentrated.

I am now up to shaving 3 times a week for my beard and should be for my head but will keep shaving to only twice a week. Gotta go get a new fashion shirt for tomorrow because Lucille cuts the neck band off to keep my neck from getting worse. It is the hit of the radiation department!

Good news from Jim Adams. He is home from Houston and resting. Thank you for your prayers. He is a wonderful guy! Nite all...

only 2 chemos to go!!

2009-06-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

other side of neck today!

neck as of today!

See what morphine can do?

Well, only two chemos to go. This morning I was trying to throw up and feeling very sick and down. But as of now, I feel alot better and prepared to take on another day. I will post pics of my neck today or tomorrow. Pretty raw. Docs gave me some cream which they use on burn victims and it seems to be helping. I did find out that a boost is when the in the last three weeks of radiation, they start narrowing the scope of the radiation to the original spot to make sure all the cells are dead. My first boost was today and will have two more boost in the next two weeks. While July 4 will be Independence Day, it will take a couple of weeks to get back to strength and eating REAL food. But what an experience it will be until everything gets back to normal.

Weight down to 138 pounds, but hopefully I am approaching the bottom of this. I would not be allowed in school because of my baggy pants. But at least I keep my belt tight. No test pulling my pants!! (I do this to my Troop boys who think they can wear their pants too loose and too low).

My voice has pretty much gone. If I have enough liquids in my mouth I can talk for a little bit but not long! Some people I know will consider that a blessing!

The good Lord keeps blessing me and I keep receiving them happily. And I believe those blessings come the prayers the thousands of you have sent up on my behalf. I know I would not be where I am today with all those who have supported me through this. Thanks again.

another day, another treatment

2009-06-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday th 15th of June. went in for radiation treatment today and was told that I would have a boost this week., In other words, they are going to narrow the scope of the radiation.

Spent the weekend sleeping and doing dry heaves. In fact, while getting treatment this morning I thought I was going to heave thru my mask. It make be a long three weeks.

But did find out that I was having a reaction to the Ensure. Lucille found a muscle booster that has between 800 and 1000 per 4 ozs. So far it has not caused any reaction in my stomach. Stomach is still upset but understand it will be for the duration of this treatment.

Still able to swallow liquids and some soft foods (with a water chaser). Biggest problem right now is dealing with the burn around my neck and the blisters. IT itches like crazy but am refraining from scratching.

Am sleeping alot. Working at anything is in less than 2 hour increments. But it is better than nothing. Also am cold alot of the time. Only I'm not is when I am outside in the 100 degree heat.

I think the docs were surprised when I told them I still had some saliva in my mouth. Not enough for sure but some. The little drinks of water really help keep the mouth moisturized.

So if I am sohehow able to keep my stomach somewhat in check, things might not been too bad. Will just have to play it out and see.

Jim Adams is hopefully coming home this week from Houston. Praise God for answered prayers. Later gang...

Only 15 treatments left!!

2009-06-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

Another week of treatments is gone. Three weeks (15 days) to go. Getting tired alot faster now and my mouth is starting to dry up to the point that it is getting hard to swallow. But in spite of that I had sausage, gravy and an egg for breakfast. I continue to supplement my feeding tube and as bad as I did not want it, it will be a life saver. I am losing my voice more each day. I guess the good news is now I don't have to talk if I don't want to!

Had some dry heeves around noon today. Not sure what caused it but feel a little better now. Took a mid day nap for about an hour and will take another shortly.

My neck looks like a true redneck! What little skin and bones I have is now a great tan except it is just in the neck area. Looks kinda wierd. But when exposed to the sun, I notice it real quick as it is my skin being burned. No short sleeves this summer or collarless shirts.

As things get tougher, it seems someone comes thru at the right time to remind me that there is an end of this - July 3. And for all of you who have prayed, supported, called, given cards, I am most thankful.

My Boy Scout Troop is backpacking this weekend in Cloudcroft. Hopefully in the fall, I will have the strength to do a weekend backpack trip. And to do all the other chores I have had to put off since this started. I've had more people working on my home than all the years we have owned a home.

3 1/2 weeks to go>>>>YEA

2009-06-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

Good evening all..

I am now officially 3 1/2 weeks away from this last treatment. Up at 6am. Radiation at 7am and then chemo until about 3pm. Came home and slept for a couple of hours. Had fried eggs, sausage and gravy for breakfast. Have feed the tube for most of the day. Have felt tired but ok today.

Just trying to find something to eat that will go down. I can swallow but due to the dryness in my mouth, it has to be semi liquid. But can drink and swallow ok at this point. The light at the end of the tunnel can be seen and am approaching it one day at a time. Two more radiation treatments this week and 3 chemo treatments left. July 4th will really be a day to celebrate although it will take a couple of weeks past that to start feeling better.

So just have to take each day, not over extend myself, get plenty of rest and eat and drink. Lucille is trying hard to find food for me to eat. It is like a needle in a haystack. Some days are better than others. Tried a spicy soup tonight but it did not set well in my throat. I guess that is the evidence of a burned throat. But who knows what tomorrow will bring. Water is very soothing to the throat. Helps to keep it wet.

While I am still losing a little weight, we think it is somewhat under control. Hopefully we are able to stabilize it for the duration of this treatment.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support. We are more appreciative than ya'll will ever know. Later gang..

Catch 22

2009-06-08T17:01:00.000-07:00

It's Monday afternoon and I am totally wasted. Spent the weekend eating and sleeping but as this treatment gets deeper, I am finding that I cannot get enough rest. Got up this am, had radiation, came home and slept til around 11am. Went to the office and worked until 4pm, came home and slept for another hour or so. And while the sleep is good, I am not eating or drinking enough. It is a catch 22 here. So tonight will be feeding the tube until I go to bed around 10.

Was told that my peach fuzz was out of control and had to shave today! And was told I have hair on the top of my head, which has not been the case in a number of years! But will keep it shaved for the balance of the summer.

Still able to swallow and eat semi solids. But the trick is finding something that is agreeable with my tongue and stomach. Four weeks left so have get with program to make it. Weight is big concern right now so have to stay with anything that has alot of calories.

Later..

Eat, sleep, eat, sleep

2009-06-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Feed the tube. It seems my mission in life at this point is feed the tube. I am able to eat some stuff. But not enough so feed the tube has taken on a new priority. I have 4 weeks left. I am still able to swallow and drink. The roughest part of the day is first thing in the morning. My throat is so dry that I have to really lubricate it! But it is responding at this point. Yesterday day I had sausage and gravy and this morning I had sausage, gravy and eggs. But now feeding the tube again at noon. It does a number on my stomach and the only pills that are working are the ones that knock me out. So for the last couple of days, I feed the tube, take a pill and sleep. Not sure how I will handle this for four weeks, but Rocky has told me I will get to the end.

Lucille keeps fixing meals that I don't eat. But being the supporting spouse that she is, the meals keep on coming. The meals are becoming more liquid although I still want to something semi solid to chew. But I'm sure the total liquids are coming. The metal taste I had early on is starting to come back so will be dealing with that issue for the balance of the treatment.

The good news is that in 20 more treatments, I will be finished and able to start the total road to recovery. I thank God that I have been able to get this far as I know I could not have done it by myself. With your prayers and God's broad back I will get through this. Thanks again to each of you for your prayers and support. Later....

Just trying to get my calories///

2009-06-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

Well thought today would be a breeze. Yea right!!

Had radiation this morning and then worked too much today. Haven't felt too bad until around 5pm when my body said I had overdone it! So will have to really tone down my work load and make sure I take it easy. They tell me the hardest part of this treatment is ahead.

Tried to eat tonight. Did not work. But ate onions and bell peppers with olive oil. Don't think there are too many calories there! So will ensure tonight to get calories up some. I really thought I would be able to eat today since I did not have chemo this week. How soon one forgets how long it truly takes chemo to exit the system. But will continue to try and eat. And to FEED THE TUBE!

I am getting more used to this foreign object in my stomach. I know it will not be protruding from my body any longer than necessary.

But the good news is my attitude is much better today and my thinking is getting back on track. Biggest problem is pacing oneself to not get overextended. And my problem is that I feel good and keep going far too long. So for the next couple of months I HAVE to make myself stop even is I don't feel like it! Easier said than done!!!

I would like all of you to say a special prayer tonight for Jim Adams. He is 85 years old and one of my dear friends and he is in the hospital on a breathing tube. He continues to write to me and now he is the one who needs help. I would appreciate your prayers for him.

God has been carrying me this last week and today I put my footprints by his. What a great feeling to know that he is always here for us. We just have to pay attention and have the faith that he will be here regardless. Nite all....

NO CHEMO TODAY

2009-06-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

Hi all..

Thought I had turned a short corner yesterday. Was feeling pretty good all day. Drinking and pushing food through the tube. Then 6pm hit and I got thirty minutes of dry heeves and was wasted for the night. Word spreads so by the time I got to the radiation and chemo everyone knew what kind of shape I was in. Dr Rastogi decided I needed to have a week off from chemo so just got hydrated and had some drugs (knocked me out). So I should have a few good days before next Wednesday before diving head long into the last 3 weeks.

My frame of mind has not been good the last several days to say the least. The doctors say that is to be expected as the hardest part of this treatment is the last several weeks. So I will really be watching myself in terms of eating, drinking and resting. And trying to work a little in there somewhere. My blood counts are still good and that pleased the doctor and another part that pleased the doctors was that I was still able to swallow and the back of my throat was not rare - yet!.

As of tomorrow Lucille and I have been married 38 years. Not much of an anniversary present this year! Nor was her birthday! Supporters in this process do not get the support and help they need to help their partners. Please keep her in your prayers.

And to answer the comment about my looks. That picture was taken without a couple of hours after surgery! Guess I should have straightened myself up some! (laugh here people). I will post a happier picture in the next couple of days! I really look better than that!

Still shooting for the July 3 final treatment date! Then, according to Rocky - whom I meet this morning) I have about 2 weeks to get over everything and start the long road of my body fixing itself, getting my strength and energy back. So I think I have 19 days of radiation and 3 chemo treatments left! The light is at the end of the tunnel. Just have to keep my emotions in check, my chin up, my attitude in the right place and giving everybody hell ( what I normally do!).

Rocky was another God send today as he stayed to talk with me after I had radiation. I great guy who I needed to talk to. My silver lining - not sure what it is at this point. I spent the night trying to find it but evidently God has not shown it to me yet.

I am thankful for all of you in your prayers and support. God has sent each of you to us for a reason. And to him and you I am most thankful. This just would not have been possible without ya'll. You will just never know. I will try and get back to a normal daily writing. Thanks again and God Bless Each of You....

a long 4 days

2009-06-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

I think I am back among the living this Monday morning. It has been a long four days. Another surgery, another recovery period. I do not remember anything on Thursday afternoon, including posing for these pictures! Dr Patel came in around 4 and showed everyone, including me, the pictures of the surgery and I have no memory of it!

I slept most of weekend. Starting using this tube and figuring out how it works. I can drink 11 oz of liquid but cannot seem to stomach more than 4 oz of it being pushed thru a tube. Go figure!

It seems every time I move my stomach reacts to the movement and causes some pain and discomfort. Suppose to go away in a few days. It is very strange seeing a tube hang from your stomach knowing that it connects directly to the stomach. I will spend this week getting the hang of using this tube to supplement my eating. My tongue is still not cooperating with my eating. As long as I drink constantly, the back of my throat stays somewhat moist, thereby allowing me to swallow. And that is most important at this stage.

The days are running together. But as of Wednesday, I have 30 days to finish this treatment. Can't imagine it getting harder, but know that it will.

Talk to everyone later......

PEG put in

2009-05-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

A short note to tell you I am still among the living, at least I think I am.

The PEG was put in yesterday (Thursday) around 1:00pm. But it couldn't be simple. I had the dry heaves on the operating table as they were trying to put me to sleep.

So I have another addition to my body. A tube that is about 8 inches long coming out of the middle of my body. Maybe I will take a picture later of it. It is amazing how much those muscles are used in the movement and picking up of items. I am thoroughly wasted tonight (Friday) as I am trying to adjust to this new addition to my body.

In addition to this, I finished my third week of radiation this afternoon. So I have 4 weeks to go.

Thanks for you prayers. More later......

3 chemo down - 4 to go...

2009-05-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hello to all this fine May evening.

Just finished up my 3rd chemo so I am officially into this treatment 3 1/2 weeks. Ate good supper tonight and feel pretty good. Was very tired before chemo but they gave me enough saline to get my energy level back up. Had a couple of bowls of chili tonight. It was great to eat and enjoy and getting full!

We meet the Morrisons today and the man was being treated for throat cancer also. Lucille and his wife shared some stories about his peg and other items related to the throat. So we will try some of them to see if it will help my tongue. He finishes his treatments in 8 more visits.

I will be out of touch for a couple of days as I have peg surgery tomorrow and a nights stay at MMH. Hopefully I can control my stomach so that the surgery will not become an issue. Will be home sometime Friday afternoon after radiation. Don't want to miss any radiation treatments. Not interested in moving back the July 3rd day!!

Another one of my Eagles came by today for a visit. He will be here for the summer. He has applied to medical school. I always enjoy his visit. It was a pick me up this morning. Thanks Jordan.

I am a cancer survivor! And I plan on being a living a long time cancer survivor. Things will get more rough as this treatment gets deeper but I am so uplifted by your comments, calls, cards and emails. I cannot thank you enough for all the support. I continue to pray for each of you. And I continue to try and live a normal life and to be strong. Some days are harder than others but God carries me through on those days when I cannot walk myself. I look at every conversation as an opportunity for God. I continue to search for this silver lining. And who knows, the life I may touch, I won't even know about it! But then it recorded in the book of life and that is all that is important! While recognition on this earth is fulfilling, the relation to God is the real goal. So my road rage has gotten alot less!! But stopping to help others has increased greatly even to the point of being late!! Well, I always seem to be 5 minutes late. I still think I can get across town in 5 minutes!!

My spirits are good this evening. I feel good and I am ready for the next couple of days. Talk to you Friday gang.....

weight - weight - weight

2009-05-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just finished Wednesday radiation treatment and visit with Dr Corwin.

Weight down to 151. While throat is dry, I am still able to swallow as long as it is not dry. So starting to get to the all liquid diet. Hopefully not for a couple of weeks. I have chemo this afternoon and start the stomach issues all over again this week. Will start drinking cranberry or any juices with calories to help offset the calories I am not eating.

Last night Lucille fixed me SOS without the shingle and it was good and went down ok. So for the next couple of days, I will hopefully gain a couple of pounds back!

Fatigue is planning more of a role now. I slept for about 2 hours at noon and another 1 1/2 hours after work before Scouts. With the loss of weight and the fatigue factor, I feel more tired. Just have to keep sleeping and eating and drinking to be able to work some. Three and 1/2 weeks to go! Each day is closer to being finished. I am not looking at the cure, but at the finishing up of this treatment. I think the cure will be taken care of. All I can do and see is the end of treatment.

Everyone has been so great through all of this. I could not have gotten this far without all this support. I pray that God will bless each of you this day! Later gang...

start of 3rd week

2009-05-26T05:48:00.001-07:00

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend!

I spent most of weekend trying to eat and drink and deal with my stomach. Yesterday was a day that finally I started feeling better. Today should be better before chemo tomorrow. In addition to my stomach problems, food just has not tasted good or even moderately good. I am using Biotene products to help with the tongue issue. The drugs for my stomach don't seem to be working. At this point in my treatment I am having the most trouble with chemo, not radiation. My throat is starting to dry up some but still able to swallow and able to keep the back of throat moist with water and Biotene.

You forget how bad you feel during all of this. I guess the brain just moves those experiences back into the brain. But when it happens as in this case, the experiences come back. But have only four weeks left to go. I have not started counting the days but looking at weeks. This will be a hectic week with surgery to go on top of chemo and radiation.

Lucille has been trying so hard to find things for me to eat. She has cooked so many meals that have gone uneaten by me. Today and tomorrow should be pretty good eating days. I had a baked potato yesterday with all the trimmings. The biggest thing I have noticed yesterday was that everything needs to have moisture in it. But I can handle that with liquids at this point.

I hope all of you have a great week. I have prayed for each of you this weekend and hope that God blesses each of you for your support of Lucille and me. Later all....

Stomach issues..

2009-05-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Good morning all..

It has been a couple of days I would just as soon forget. For forty-eight hours, I have had an upset stomach in which I have eaten very little. I have felt like I have been sucker punched. And slept a great deal.

Today I am finally feeling like a living person again. I will be resting and sleeping but at least I was able to eat some breakfast and drink what I needed to be drinking this morning. I am two weeks into this process. I hope that I don't have another week like this one! This week coming up will be a very hectic one with the peg surgery squeezed inbetween radiation treatments. The chemo treatment will be on Wednesday afternoon.

But today I plan on enjoying the bright sunshine and the nice weather. And hopefully eating to make up for a couple of meals that I have missed the last couple of days. I want to eat but when anything hits my stomach, it starts churning and I will not eat anymore. If I could get the chemo stomach under control, things would be much better.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day and my Troop is putting out 500 flags. It will be a long day for me as far as being tired but these flags are a small part of what I can do to honor those Americans who have given their lives for this country. So tomorrow as you are enjoying your holiday, just say a tiny prayer for all those soldiers who are currently fighting to make sure we have our freedoms. Later all.....

Next day after chemo

2009-05-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been tired since noon and have no desire to eat. Plus nothing is setting well on my stomach tonight. I hit the brick wall around noon and had to take a 1 1/2 hour nap to get through the rest of the afternoon. As of this writing, I will be in bed shortly.

Not sure why I am having this kind of day. The first day after chemo last week was pretty good. But today is a different story. Guess it might be different every week. And this could really present a problem next week when I have to go to hospital on Thursday morning for the peg operation. I will be there overnight but not in the onology wing so it will be interesting to say the least especially is I have the reaction that I am having today. The only good spot is that chemo is mid afternoon next week instead of the morning.

I have not been able to get rid or mask the bad taste in my mouth today and coupled with my stomach this afternoon, it has not be fun. Nothing I can't handle other than I need to be eating. Tomorrow brings another day and hopefully I'll be able to eat and get back on track. The good news is I have 3 days before the next radiation treatment on Tuesday so hopefully will be up and ready to go.

Hope all of you have had a good half week and are ready to have a good Memorial Day weekend. I will use mine to rest. Nite all..

2 chemo down 5 to go... 30 more raidiation treatments

2009-05-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon all.. hope I didn't scare too many by not posting last night. Spent too much time at Scouts last night and just feel into bed when I got home.

Seven down and 30 to go! Was up at 6:30am - radiation at 7 - the peg doctor from 8 til 9:30 - then the chemo doctor - and then chemo until 3pm. Have felt pretty good most of day although at this moment my stomach is acting up some. Shouldn't be as I have medicine to take care of it. But doctor told me to take some extra medicine that I already take to try and take care of it. Have lost 5 pounds in two weeks. So that might be an additional 15 pounds. That would put me at junior high weight! I am pretty skinny now so I would hate to think how thin I would look then! I could fit into 32" jeans my kids bought me! And back then I had this great tan which today is as white as a ghost. Want to lay in the sun and brown my chest up some but can't do! But blood work looks good today so that is a great plus. Just need to be drinking more! And eating!

My throat is starting to dry a little but have noticed that if I keep moist then it is alot better so am sipping water and tea more. I am getting cold easier now but I'm sure that is because of weight loss. Thought I would not be wearing beanies anymore but wear one to bed and had one on during chemo. And it appears at this point my free right on shaving has ceased. My peach fuzz is growning with regularity so will have to shave every night now. Bummer!!

I thank God for another good day. As ET says, "above ground and breathin' ". But I truly thank each of you for your support, words, and deeds. We know that this would be extremely hard without your support. Talk to you later.......

5 down, 32 to go

2009-05-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

Another pretty day in Midland. I got up at 6:30 for an 7am radiation treatment. By 7:30 I was at the office getting ready for a days worth of work. It's going to be a busy week, both medically and work.

Got up feeling pretty good this day and will go to bed feeling pretty good also. Have lost some weight from the weekend. Still not eating enough. It was a great supper but my stomach would not take it tonight. My stomach says it is hungry but my mind and mouth says that it doesn't want to eat. And tonight was an example of that. If I had eaten one more bite, I would not have made it to the sink! So tomorrow will work on eating more often all day.

I had to really shave last night before bed. My peach fuzz was about a 1/8" long on my upper lip and chin. And pure blond and soft. It will be interesting to see how often I have to really shave now. And what color it will be. Of course I expect to probably lose this hair with chemo every week and I understand that radiation will also cause hair loss. But I still only use 10 minutes to get ready for work or play.

My nails have two sets of white curves in them and them an major indention in the nail that is just beginning to show itself. The result of chemo. So guess I will see more of it in the future until this is through. If that was the only problem I would have, I would be jumping for joy! But then I could be alot worse so I cannot complain. Yes, it will be bad and rough, but when I see others that are alot worse than me, I have no room to complain. God is protecting me courtesy of the prayers of all of ya'll.

Got some more special hot sauce tonight. It will help to kill the taste buds so maybe I will be able to eat more! The upset stomach should be taken care of by using Nexinum. But I expect tomorrow to be another good day. Only radiation tomorrow with chemo and radiation on Wednesday. Just have to keep my energy levels constant which is hard for me. No nap today but should have taken one. I have alot of work to do this week so will need to find time to sleep a little during the day.

So going into this second week, I hope to be able to continue to eat and swallow. If I can make the week I get three days off this weekend to recover. So will make the most of the week in work and play.

Hope everyone had a great day today and that the rest of the week goes good. Just don't forget to stop and smell the roses! Especially true of the seniors in high school. Nite all...

A wonderful Sunday

2009-05-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

Good evening all.

Today has been a good day. I ate pretty good today. Of course Lucille had to watch over me to make sure I cleaned my plate! But I got through it! The weather was beautiful today so worked in my shop most of the afternoon.

Slept well last night. Got up only once. Evidently not enough water yesterday. Was up around 8:30am and after Lucille fixed breakfast, I went to the store to buy some parts for my router. Came home, fixed the router and then sat down for an hour or so to rest. Then worked on drawers for the Troop chuck wagon. Probably spent too much time in the sun but it was great being able to just work and enjoy the day without hurting.

Week two starts in the morning at 7am with a full week of radiation scheduled. Wednesday will be meeting with the doctor on putting in the peg (stomach tube). Another surgery which I am not looking forward to, but the good news is that as my throat gets worse (or burned) I will be able to maintain some calories. Do you know how hard it is to get 2000 calories a day? The good thing is that the peg is temporary so will look forward to getting rid of it in July. My energy level was up today but must plan accordingly this week to make sure I have enough energy to get through the week. I had two days of chemo sickness (but not too bad). Especially if one looks at the trouble I had in the first two chemo treatments. So hopefully I will be able to work a good couple of days a week for next 7 to 8 weeks.

The days that seem normal (that is, as normal as one can be doing chemo/radiation treatments) are a real blessing. The comments the last couple of days have been an inspiration to me to keep a stiff upper lip and to stay positive. It does get difficult but God will carry me when I cannot handle it. As I have said, without God none of this would be possible. And without the support and prayers and phone calls and cards and emails, this would be such a hard trip. May God bless all of you this beginning day of the week. Good things happen to those who make the most of our opportunities. Have a great week group. Nite all..

First week gone

2009-05-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday. I have spent the day resting and sleeping. It rained this morning and has been cloudy all day. The rain is such a blessing. Hopefully it will continue tonight. Went to bed last night around 10pm and we slept until about 9am this morning. Sarah and the kids came over for a few minutes to visit before traveling to Dallas for a doctor's appointment for Walker. Please keep them in your prayers as they continue to find a cure for Walker.

Got home around 7pm last night after doing some necessary work at the office. Did not get to send the Troop off on their backpack trip. There is no way I could have even walked the couple of miles with the guys even without a backpack. Lucille and I took a little walk last night and I was just wore out after a half a block. This chemo/radiation is really making me feel tired. The good news is that it appears (this week anyway) that I will have stomach problems on Thursday and Friday. The bad news is that I am on a diet again!! Having to force feed myself to keep enough protein and fats to keep me going. It is frustrating on Lucille, needless to say.

I may have to start shaving again. It seems that my beard is starting to grown back - - - as peach fuzz on my upper lip. Let's see that hasn't happened since junior high days!! Still have the five wild hairs on the right side of my face. So will shave in the shower every few days now. What a hassle!! (you should be laughing!).

I think the weekends are good for recovering from the weeks activities of chemo/radiation. I hope to feel stronger tomorrow as a result of this rest. So I have finished 4 days of radiation with 33 days to go! My neck tan continues to get browner but may have to go to the tanning salon to get the other side to match ! Just a joke.

Hope all have enjoyed their Saturday. Tomorrow will start a new week. I will try to post each day but as the week wears on, my energy level drops to the point so I want to do is sleep. Have a blessed evening ya'll.

3 down - walking zombie

2009-05-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

Did not post last night as I slept the evening out. At radiation at 7am. Went to office and worked until I crashed for a power nap around 12:30. Worked until around 4 and had another power nap. Got home at 8pm and proceeded to sleep until 9:30. Then I showered and crashed into bed asleep at 10pm. Woke up to the dry heaves at 4am.

I truly had about 2 hours of yesterday that I was feeling ok. I was not grougy or sleepy or felt tired. Stomach didn't feel too bad but had to force feed myself to eat. I had protein drinks for supper.

And this is just the first week! I am really going to have to pace myself with work. I think I will be cutting my work day down to no more than a half day to see if I can do better. I certainly don't want to end up in the hospital for several weeks. Every day is different so it makes it difficult to prepare for anything. Will just trust God will watch over me. I know I will not be able to do it myself.

2 down, 35 to go

2009-05-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

Two days of radiation down.

Was up at 6:15am and at radiation at a few minutes passed 7am. Took my second day of radiation and was at the office by 7:45am. Woke up feeling pretty good, did a workout. Around mid-morning I felt a little hot and took a couple of Tylenol . Came home for lunch, slept for about 30 minutes and went back to work. About 4 pm I had to lay down for another 30 minutes as my body said it was time to rest. Came home, had a good supper (courtesy of Sarah) and proceeded to sleep again.

Everyone talked about how red I have was today. Guess I will get a good tan out of this! I guess the radiation burns the outside as well as the inside. Will have to put aloe vera on to keep from burning on the outside. I am still able to swallow without problems so continue to eat and drink. Good thing as it will be 7 to 10 days before I get the peg. Other than being a little tired, I am doing well. No stomach problems at this point from chemo. So will see what tomorrow brings.

Just getting started in this final push and know that the worst will come. I have felt good for so many weeks that it is hard to imagine being sick again. But know that God will see us through this ordeal. And then there is the continued support from all of you. Thanks for being here for me. The Kennady boys wanted to carry my backpack if I would go backpacking this weekend! And if I feel good going into Friday afternoon, I might take them up on it! Just kidding, but I would let them carry some of the weight. Needless to say, it make me feel good. God sends blessing in various ways and I consider this to be one of those blessings. Nite all...

day 1 down - 36 to go

2009-05-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

The first day is history. And more answers to our ever ending questions for what is really going to happen.

There will be 37 days of radiation spread over 8 weeks. And every week that I have radiation I will have chemo so I will have 7 or 8 chemo treatments (which includes the one I had today). I will have radiation every morning (like 7am morning!) five days a week (excluding holidays and other events as Dr Corwin deems necessary. That being said, radiation could last well into July depending on the circumstances of radiation. So at 11am this morning, I went to have blood work, a visit with Dr Rastogi, lunch with Lucille, radiation, a visit with Dr Corwin and 2 1 /2 hours of chemo. So finished the day around 4:30pm.

During radiation, you get pinned to the bed as in the pictures from yesterday for about 30 minutes. I think I can feel the radiation hitting the cancer. But then again it might be that it is so quiet in the radiation, I feel my pulse. No lights to show where the beam is being pushed, just some red lasers making sure the right spots are lined up. Dr Corwin did tell us that the this ct scan did not show any cancer. The radiation is in the area as if it was there. So it appears that the two heavy doses of chemo pretty well took care of the cancer. The radiation is to just make sure there is none left to come back.

I was also informed that I needed a feeding tube (a peg) inserted into my stomach sometime next week as the length of time for radiation would make it extremely difficult to swallow enough calories to keep my weight up. We think it will be next Thursday. It will be after I do radiation in the morning, then surgery and then radiation again the next day! Anyone want to take this journey with me? (I would not wish this on anyone!!).

So after radiation I went to chemo lab for a 2 1/2 hour treatment. Got a needle into my port, some saline, took a horse pill (literally, I will split in two next week to take it), had some anti-nausea medicine and then an hour of cysplatin. This took an hour to put into today and will probably ask for a little longer next time as I could feel the push of the fluids today. Then once a week I will have to have x-rays of neck. So it appears that I will spend at least 1/2 of a day doing radiation/chemo every week, maybe 3/4 of a day depending on scheduling.

Oh how do I feel? As of right now, not too bad. I have medicine I am to take if I even start feeling sick. Hopefully, this dose will not make me sick. The radiation will eventually make me not able to swallow due to the burning and soreness of my throat. Also have to work on keeping my swallowing reflect going and hydrated! So have to pay alot of attention to drinking, eating 2000 calories a day, and swallowing all the time. I will have alot of caregivers keeping me in line, I'm sure. And some of you will enjoy it more than others!! (Some of you should be smiling right now!).

Thanks for you support and prayers. I believe this will be my most trying of the three treatments. But God will see this family through, that I believe. Attitude is all important and many of my caregivers will also be working hard to make sure it is positive! This will be a long treatment, but I am 1/37 down. Thanks to ya'll for everything. You just don't know how much it means to us. Nite all...;

2009-05-11T20:07:00.001-07:00

Day one of radiation was a dry run. Final tests to pin point where the radiation will be delivered. The real radiation starts tomorrow around 1:30pm followed by chemo.

The day started out cloudy and misty. Went to the office and worked steady til 1:30pm. Had lunch on the way to the doctor. And as we walked into the radiation office, the staff was waiting for us. As you can tell by the yellow sign, there is alot of radiation done here. The door looks to be solid lead that is about 4 inches thick. And it is closed while the radiation is being done. The techs monitor the patient thru tv monitors. Your head is literally bolted onto the bed to keep it firmly in place. Not a place one needs to be if you can't be still! The procedure itself takes about 15 minutes a day. Once a week they take new x-rays to make sure they are hitting the right spots. If you notice the American Flag in the background, there is an equal amount of space of crosses on the wall as you walk into this room as well as the cross on the door into the radiation room. As Mariah (the radiologist tech) says that this place honors God and serves our country. As they were taking the x-rays, Lucille got to see the cancer via the x-rays. She says it is about the size of the tip of her little finger.

Oh and I have a tattoo! Yes, I would have never thought I would have one and one that if you look everyone can see! I just had to go look in a mirror to see it myself. Of course, if it wasn't for the permanent marker pointing to the dot that is smaller than the head of a pin, I would not even be able to see it!

So seven weeks plus a couple of days for holidays and I will be finished. We hope to find out tomorrow how much this massive amount of chemo has shrunk this cancer. We have been told that I have received the most chemo a person can have in the first two treatments.

So I go into this not sure about how I will react to all of this - both the radiation and the chemo. Only time will tell. But there is light at the end of this tunnel so will focus on that.

The trip was so good for me..

2009-05-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

Back in Midland after going to see Adam. Got up there late Friday afternoon. Had some spicy Mexican food and then crashed Friday night. Major wind storm that woke us up but Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day. Went to Jemez Springs for a 6 mile round trip day hike. Was not sure I would feel like going. But thanks to Adam and Lucille, I went. And boy was it great! I really needed to know that I could do one of the pleasures I like and that is hiking in the great outdoors. Was tired when we got home Saturday but felt so good about the trip. Expected to be sore today but so far no soreness. Tomorrow might be different.

The good news is that we got to really enjoy the outdoors before this seven weeks starts. Not really knowing what to expect is what made this weekend so special. Adam made the comment that he has not had spicy food three days in a row!! His taste buds may never be the same! He bent over backwards to have spicy foods and snacks for me. My taste buds have really been acting up so the spiciness really helped in eating.

Slept pretty good for two nights and enjoyed the drive up and back from Albuquerque. My attitude is charged going into tomorrow. Radiation starts at 2:30 with radiation/chemo starting around around noon on Tuesday. It will be an interesting week to see what happens.

I know God will not let me bear anymore than I can handle. I have trusted in him to get me this far so will trust in him for the rest of this treatment and my life. Nite all.....

Food tasting bad... again....

2009-05-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

Well today was a day of trying to find something to eat. The only way I ate today was some food followed by a jalapeno. Nothing tasted worth a flip today. This is not suppose to happen until next week after I start chemo. But will continue to try and eat to keep the weight up. I am now at 158 pounds. It was hot enough today to lose a couple of pounds if you were outside very long. It was 105 here in Midland.

Had an upset stomach this morning. I believe it was due to the magnesium I started taking last night. So took it with my evening meal. But other than being a little tired it was a good day overall. I think stress is getting to Lucille. I really think she has it just as hard as I do as she worries about her eating, my eating, my complications, finances, etc. It makes me feel bad in that I am causing her some of her problems. So after this is over with, I will have to make it up to her.

But I feel that God will look after both of us. Seven weeks and then the real road to recovery. That can take up to two years from some of the folks I have talked to. But it beats being six feet under. Besides I have alot of stuff to do, providing God does not want me yet. And I believe he has much more in store for me here! So even though I am anxious about this next week I am approaching it as the beginning of the end and the beginning of the future.

I am going out of town with Lucille for a little R & R with my son Adam. So I may not be back on until Sunday evening when we return. So I hope everyone has a great weekend and just remember Mother's Day. Nite all...

Finally, answers...

2009-05-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

Well, today was a very productive day medically. We went to the chemo doctor this morning. Found out that my blood counts were all great except the magnesium which was on the low normal range. But the better news is that starting next Monday I start the first radiation treatment. And on Tuesday I start the chemo treatment. Radiation is every morning 5 days a week for 7 weeks. The chemo on Tuesday will be after radiation and is expected to last most of the day. This will be every Tuesday for 7 weeks. So on June 26 I should have my last radiation, assuming there are no problems.

My weight is not what I want but will try hard to keep what I have during these treatments. I hope that the reactions I have had to chemo were not to the cisplatin. But will be taking drugs for that. And hopefully the radiation using the IMRT will allow me to eat and drink for the duration. Biggest effect according to doctors will be fatigue.

Last night I really finished shaving my head so it is truly bald now. It had grown a little and I just decided to finish it off in the shower. I have white semi circles on my fingernails as a result of chemo. Other than being tired I am doing well. Just have to keep pacing myself. No summer camp for me this year. First one I have missed in 25 years. But if I feel pretty good, I may drive to camp for the day. It will be during the last week of treatment. But I do know the boys and adults will do fine without me!

I met Randy face to face this morning. He is starting his second round of chemo and has throat cancer also. He looks good and is doing the same treatment that I am going through. He's off of coffee right now. I was off coffee until after the second chemo. I expect I will not like it again during this last round as this chemo is what affects the taste buds.

So today was getting the last peg in place for the final push. Getting some answers so we can get plans made for the next seven or eight weeks. Needless to say I will be anxious as I go into next week as to what to expect. I am praying that the radiation does not affect my eating or drinking and that the chemo will have a minimal side effect on eating and stomach problems. And that I will be able to work at least 2 days a week. Your prayers and support have gotten us this far. One reason we have stayed in Midland for treatment is because of the support of our friends here. And the prayers and support of our friends, old and new, from across the world has been a blessing I would have never thought could happen. Thank you, thank you, thank you and may God continue to bless you for your support! Nite all...

Just a routine day...

2009-05-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening all..

A pretty normal day today. I did not take an afternoon nap and my wall is rapidly approaching tonight. Had Scouts and found out the summer camp we were supposed to attend has been canceled so looked at some alternatives.

We go to the chemo doctor in the morning and hopefully get some straight answers about the length of this chemo/radiation. I thought it was six weeks and Lucille thinks it is closer to eight weeks. So we'll get on the same page tomorrow morning about the length of this treatment. It has kinda thrown a kink into summer plans and my mental state. But if it is to be eight weeks, then it will be eight weeks. I did not come this far to say I'm not going to do this anymore!

Other than tired tonight, I am doing good. Lucille gave me some vanilla ice cream tonight but it was covered with coco mix and cinnamon. Those two items really masked the taste of the ice cream. Will try some more tomorrow. Still only weigh 155 pounds and need to gain a few pounds before next week.

Will continue to rest, eat and get some energy. But I thank God that he is carrying me at times when I cannot cope with this. And I am truly thankful that he listens! All I have to do is listen! Hope everyone takes the time to listen to God! Nite all..

A sleepy day...

2009-05-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

Good evening to all. A pretty good day even for a Monday. Finally got up at 9am. Then babysit two of my grandkids until noon. Then came home to meet adjustor who had come earlier in the day. But slept for a couple of hours. So finally got to the office around 3pm and left after my Troop meetings around 8pm.

Other than needing sleep, which I did not fully realize I needed, I had a pretty good day. Did not eat enough today so have to really work on that the rest of the week. I eat alot more than I used to but cannot seem to gain the weight needed. So will keep at it in hopes of getting a few pounds before next week. My sinsues have cleared up some and should continue to do so the rest of this week. Food is still a chore at times. No sweets or sugar. An apple today did not even taste good. The good news is that I can tolerate most other foods so will continue to eat and eat and drink and drink!

I have worked out some and will continue to do so if for no other reason that to keep my muscle tone. Medium workouts are out of the question at this point. Will try to hike some this weekend, but will be careful not to over extend myself.

This should be a good week to get energy, gain some weight and have some extra endurance. I don't know when the final push will start but will let everyone know when I know. I thank each and everyone of you for your continued support and prayers. Nite all...

A good weekend..

2009-05-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend. Am back from my camping trip. Tired but doing ok.
Got to Breckenridge, TX around 10:30 Friday night with 9 boys and 6 adults. Set up beds and got to bed around 12am. Up at 7am to get ready for the work day. After breakfast, we jumped in and helped the MD Anderson ladies set up the tables for the later afternoon meal. We then set up the parking lots (a blank field) for the cars that were to arrived after lunch. The day started out very cool and rainy. We did have some rain late Saturday morning but the day was cloudy and windy and cold the rest of the day. We set up camp as waiting for all the folks to leave Saturday night is too much for the boys (and some of us adults).

I talked to some of the MD Anderson ladies and it seems (at least among them) that I am known at MD Anderson. They all asked about my treatment and how much more I had to undergo. They were very nice and supportive.

I pretty much left the parking to the boys after the first 30 minutes and they did a great job the rest of the afternoon. THe boys did not get to see much of the polo match as the paid supporters did not really arrive under around 5pm. We are normally finished with parking around 4. We ate supper and the boys then kept the trash emptied until around 8pm. We then retired to our campsite while Jack Ingram played for about an hour. THen the fireworks started and lasted about 30 minutes this year. After that, we spent about 45 minutes helping to break down tables, put up decorations, and stack chairs and then clean up the area. We were back into our camp around 10:30 and proceeded to get ready for bed as everyone was pretty tired.

The boys and adults did a great job this year. We were a little short handed but the boys chipped right in and worked hard all day and night.

As for me, I took a little nap Saturday afternoon and then directed the boys for the balance of the afternoon and evening. Not alot of direction when they were working so hard! This is a big fund raiser for MD Anderson and was told it was the largest one that have done for this event. The Troop was glad to be able to be a small part of this event.

I am tired tonight as I drove the Troop bus down and back home. And being out in the elements has a way of wearing one down. But a good nights sleep in my bed and I will be ready for a good week. I talked to a few people who had heard about me and were praying for me. It is amazing how word spreads sometimes. It just goes to show you how wonderful people are in helping one another.

As I get ready to shower and go to bed, I sincerely hope your weekend was as rewarding as mine. My God continue to bless each of us as we start a new week. Nite all...

Just a boring day..

2009-04-30T20:44:00.001-07:00

Good evening all. Today was a routine day. Set my mind on getting work done and got some done in spite of myself. No nap and I have paid the price this afternoon and evening. But will sleep well tonight.

I worked out a little this morning and will continue to do so over the next couple of weeks. Hopefully it will help my improve my stamina. My taste buds are still weird but have been able to eat through them. The real test will be this weekend on the camp out.

Life will be pretty much routine around here for the next couple of weeks. Just taking my meds and trying to gain weight. Had a baked potato tonight with butter, onions and sour cream. And then forced some ice cream down. Lunch was steak fingers with spicy potatoes. Probably the biggest problem I have at the moment is making sure I drink enough. And this weekend will be real important being outside.

It's hard to try and maintain a normal life kinowing that in two weeks I will start a six week marathon with radiation and chemo combined. But must tryin order to keep my sanity! Thanks for all the support and cards. I look forward each day to cards and emails. I know God has something in store for me. Guess I will use the two weeks trying to figure out what he wants me to do. Nite all...

Bad news - good news

2009-04-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

Well, Wednesday came and went but nothing like I expected. The bad news is that I am 10 - 12 working days from starting my six week final push. I had my mask made yesterday and it takes that long for the doctors to program the computer for radiation. We were lead to believe that radiation would start and that all this prep was already done. I had another CT scan to show what is left of the cancer. I was pretty frustrated by the end of the day yesterday as it puts an end to activities this summer for the most part. And I have to get mentally prepared again for this last round of radiation/chemo.

The good news is that we found out that I will go camping this weekend. And that I have had as much chemo as I can possibly have in the last two rounds. And that I am still in the window for the last chemo/radiation round. (We had a concern that the length of time in waiting for the radiation to start would allow the cancer to rear its ugly head again). I have about two weeks to gain some weight (right now I weigh 156 pounds). I will be able to gain some energy in these two weeks as well as get over the sinus infection as a result of my teeth being pulled. It seems the aggressive chemo treatment has done its job in that Dr Corwin (radiation Dr) evidently did not see any cancer to the naked eye yesterday when he looked down my throat.

I will put up a couple of pictures of the radiation mask later this morning. This mask starts out as a flat piece of plastic. I thought it would be solid but it is more mesh like. It is heated and then they pull the plastic over my face and then allow the plastic to cool to shape the plastic to my face. This makes my head be in the same position each time I do radiation. And that means less good cells are killed when they do radiation.

So all in all, other than I will not be starting this last round of chemo/radiation, everything is looking good. Everything is in God's good time and I am sure there is a reason for this delay. There is nothing I can do about it so will trust that God has control of this situation.

I hope everyone has a good day. I will do some work and continue to rest. I started limited workout this morning will continue to do so as my energy level and endurance increases. I will post tonight and then will not post until Sunday evening after I get back from the Troop campout. Have a blessed day....

Last good day?

2009-04-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it is the night before the big push. Although I half way expect it to be postponed to next week due to the healing or lack thereof to my teeth.

Today was a good day overall. I have been a good boy and slept til 9am and took a mini-nap at noon. And went home at 6pm. I ate pretty good today and even ate ice cream, although I did not like it much! I got some tax work done today and plan on continuing that tomorrow until around 2 pm and then it is to the doctors for the rest of the day. I visited with a mom of one of the Troop's boys today for a little while. It is amazing how cancer affects just about everyone in one way or another. Lots of different stories! And non of them the same!

The best for me is to have this chemo have a small effect on me and the radiation not to effect me at all or at least until the final week! Worst case is spending a few days in the hospital every week until this is done. So I am hoping that all the drugs the doctor will give me along with the other home remedies and health medicines I am on will help me through these six weeks in reasonable shape. I know I will have problems, but working on maintaining a positive attitude and working through the problems, such as eating and drinking!

So please say a little prayer for me tonight and tomorrow that I will have minimal side effect of this chemo/radiation treatment, and as Lucille's friend Margie points out that the radiation will kill only the cells it's targeted for. Different people have pointed Lucille and me toward different medicines and maybe a combination of them will work for me!

I am reading a book on 10 prayers that God will always answer. In the next couple of days I will show everyone the shirt I am making as a result of reading this book. The book is on loan from Teresa Sewell.

Had Scouts tonight and have a about 15 boys going on the camp out this weekend to Breckenridge Texas for an MD Anderson Cancer Benefit called Polo on the Prairie. The Troop has done this activity since about 1997 and continue to help MD Anderson in this activity.

So today could be my last good day for awhile or it may be just another day for the next six weeks. Who knows, only time will tell. I thank you for your continued support. It makes what I am going through much easier. Nite all.....

Do I really have cancer?

2009-04-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

You know, cancer is a weird disease. I know I have throat cancer because the doctors have told me. My ear was hurting and now its not. My throat was hurting and now its not. I have been a full three weeks without a chemo treatment and as of today, the only reason I know I have throat cancer is lack of energy, strength, endurance, taste and hair loss. I know that there is still a little spot left to fix starting soon, but I can't see this cancer, or really feel this cancer. So much of this is a state of mind in healing. While I know I have a treatment left, I feel ready to get on with life. I can't see or feel the healing like a broken bone. So as I prepare for this final big push, I have to keep in mind that I still have throat cancer and without this last big treatment, I would eventually die from it. So the good news is that in six weeks, I get to prepare for the rest of my life. A life that I will take each day to enjoy it to the fullest. A day to slow down some and smell the roses, to take the time to open doors for ladies, to say hello to a stranger, to help someone even if it takes some time.

As I am preparing for this final push, I thank God for walking with me and for sending ya'll to me to help in my emotional state. To keep me on my toes, to make me laugh, to try and make me fat! Your prayers have done wonders in my healing process. I know God listens to every prayer that comes to him, but I feel a sense of comfort knowing that you are praying for my healing. God has something in mind for me. And it is my job to keep my heart and mind open to do that something he wants me to accomplish.

Today was a good day overall. I did find out that I had lost 3 pounds over the weekend so today consisted of fast food (Popeyes) for lunch and the Gomezs' brought over a fantastic plate of spicy Mexican food for supper. With all of this, I should be gaining that 3 pounds back today! I will be aggressively trying to eat alot of fatty foods this week to get to at least 160 pounds. If only my tongue liked ice cream and chocolate! I have not found a way to these two items, YET! Tomorrow I may have to try a blizzard. Lots of fat and calories. Just don't know if I can eat all of it! Maybe a bite of ice cream and a drink of coffee. Who knows. Just have to eat!

I hope everyone is off to a good week. Remember to slow down, be patient and smell the roses. Nite all....

A great day to begin the week...

2009-04-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

It was certainly a nice Sunday in Midland. Maybe it will rain tonight. Got up at 8:30am, read the paper while Lucille fixed breakfast. Had homemade biscuits, sausage and gravy and eggs. Gained a pound yesterday and hoping to gain another one today. Supper was some real spicy hot links and pasta that Sarah fixed. Have couple more days to gain several more pounds. I just eat and eat, whatever I want. It won't always be this way so better enjoy it while I can.

My mouth still has that weird taste and am trying some mouth wash that I have to use during radiation. It does some good if I eat within a few minutes after rinsing.

Today I mowed and edged the yard and found myself pretty wore out so rested for a little bit and then went to work on the Troop cook box. Then went to babysit with Lucille for our grandkids. So am home around 9pm. Am tired but bed is not too far off . I have 2 1/2 days to get office in reasonable shape before the final push. The unknown is the biggest problem here so trying to be prepared for the worst and hoping for the best, whatever it might be.

While I am tired, I thought today was good in that it was normal for me. So will shower and hit the sack to get ready for what appears to be a hectic week. Have a doctor appointment first thing in the morning for my lower back (which should take care of that problem for awhile), then to office to get tax and graphic work done.

I thank God for another week of having more pluses than minuses. The biggest plus was a change in attitude which I think is being caused by not being able to do what I have always done. I know it will probably happen in the next six weeks, but am determined to keep from getting down. God has helped me to help myself in getting myself straighten out, so I expect to keep a good attitude for this period.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and that your blessing from God has been more than you can handle. I believe it has happened to my family. We just have to keep our eyes open and our hearts tuned into God. Thanks to all this past week for your prayers, cards, meals, words of compassion and encouragement, phone calls and just general support. Nite all..

Food doesn't taste good but feeling better

2009-04-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday, I think. Slept til about 8:30 and then got up because my back started hurting. Thought I would eat cereal for breakfast and that lasted one bite so Lucille made me eggs and sausage. I have a taste in the middle of my tongue, not metallic but something that makes anything close to sweet not taste good, so am back into anything hot for the moment. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Had some dutch chocolate ice cream tonight and it did not even taste good! But Joy and Frank brought by some chili rellanoes filled with eggs and it was hot enough to taste good.

Spent all afternoon working on a new Troop cook wagon. Hopefully, tomorrow we will finish the main part and all we will lack is the painting. Did not eat enough at lunch and really got tired at the end of the day but it has been a relaxing evening. And hopefully tonight I will get another good nights sleep.

My teeth seem to be healing better. Almost all the stitches have dissolved so maybe the healing will be enough to start the final round on April 29. But I have been preparing myself that it maybe another week before I start. It is up to the doctor and out of my hands.

Energy, strength and endurance are the two most things I miss most. No, food is not in that list. I eat because I have to not because I want to. And besides the sick feeling during this cancer treatment, I have pushed myself because of what I have always been able to do with energy, strength and endurance and I have paid the price at times. You try to do something and realize you can't lift it or you don't have the energy or endurance to finish something. It is the one thing when this is over that I will try to get back quickly. The eating will come as my tongue cooperates.

So overall, today has been good. I am tired but helped get some stuff accomplished and felt part of the team. And as always God sent a blessing this evening to just say, I am watching you! So hope all of you had as good a day as I did and that God blessed you in some way today. Nite all..

I felt God today..

2009-04-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening all..

Another week gone and still 7 more weeks to go. Slept til 9am, took a 2 hour nap at noon and got home around 7pm. It was a good day. My attitude was much better and took all problems that arose today in stride. Am determined that my attitude stays up. It takes some work not to get mad or frustrated easily. It is sometime in my normal life (not normal anymore!) that I did not get mad or frustrated easily. But normal today is living with cancer and its cure so have to work extra hard to keep an even keel.

My sinuses are much better today but I think the best thing I did was keep rested!! Seems I have heard that from several comments! Didn't say I wasn't stubborn. I plan on keeping rested until next Wednesday and then it will be a day by day walk.

When Lucille and I had dinner at our daughter's (Sarah) house last night I felt God's wrapping his arms around me. Two of my grandkids are big huggers and as I was eating Walker gets into my lap and hugs on me and tells me about his day and what he gets to eat. Then Hannah gets released from her high chair and as she climbs up into my arms, she puts her head on my shoulder and pats my back with her right hand. It didn't occur to me that God was letting me know that he is here with me thru my grandkids until this morning. All we have to do is listen and feel to God. He speaks to us in so many different ways.

I continue to thank God for each of you for your support. I know that he listens to prayers as every time I feel down something happens that one of you enters my life to lift my spirits. So as I get ready for the weekend, I wish the best for each of you and will be asking God to bless each of you in your many endeavors. Nite all...

Not the day I had hoped for, but...

2009-04-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

Got up and then crashed back into bed. Woke up at 8am and realized I was late for the chiropractor. So got dressed in my 10 minutes and was there be 8:15am. An advantage of no hair and no shaving and being a couple minutes from the doctor. He made an adjustment and have felt better today. Another treatment and hopefully I will be doing good again.

Then to the dentist. Still having some pain but he said I would be ok in a couple of weeks. Then I told him again that radiation started next Wednesday and he said that I should wait at least another week. Needless to say I was not to happy about that, but will let the radiation doctor make that call. My main concern is getting rid of the sinus problem I have right now by next Wednesday. All my efforts have been toward April 29. But right now the only thing that I can control is getting well by next week.

Came home for lunch and fell asleep for 3 hours. A strong wind woke me up even then. It rained all around us but not in Midland. Went to work and as usual clients started coming in when they saw my truck parked out front. So stayed there until about 6:30 and went to Sarah's to eat supper.

So the result of the day is I am still pretty tired. Hopefully will get another good nights sleep and wake up tomorrow with renewed energy and goals. This week has not been what I wanted in the way of increased energy and weight gain but have to keep a positive attitude that everything will work out. I am now at 157 pounds. hmmmmm Maybe I am trying to control this instead of letting God handle this ? So will give my troubles to him tonight and start afresh tomorrow.

Had several cards from wonderful people tonight. The cards, emails, calls have been truly inspirational in this time. And I know God will bless each of you in his own time. Nite all..